The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular!
by UltimateWarriorFan4Ever
Summary: Justin, Total Drama's residential prettyboy, and his friends are back for more fun, more excitement, and a whole lot of craziest stuff you can ever imagine! All of the skits is VIEWER'S CHOICE! SNEAK PEEK AND FINALE IS HERE! CHECK IT OUT!
1. Introduction

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated T for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: I don't know why I do this, but I don't own! All of the skits will be viewers choice! Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>(Guitar plays "Lit Up" by Buckcherry)<p>

Chris McLean: Live from the sandy beaches of Miami, Florida...get ready for the show that's a lot hotter than hell itself...it's The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular!

(crowd cheers.)

Chris McLean: Starring Geoff...

(Image shows Geoff with a shirt reading "Kill Casey Anthony". He's giving a thumbs up.)

...Bridgette...

(Image shows Bridgette pole dancing and giving a guy a roundhouse kick to the face.)

...D.J...

(Image shows D.J. with a handful of hot girls. He is dressed like a 70s style pimp.)

...LeShawna...

(Image shows LeShawna dressing up as a Miami Dolphin and tackling everybody)

...Owen...

(Image shows Owen pigging out at Red Lobster at everything at sight)

...Eva...

(Image shows Eva dressed like Ivan Drago and killing Apollo Creed)

...Cody...

(Image shows Cody falling out of a plane.)

...Blaineley...

(Image shows Blaineley making out with Chris McLean in a closet.)

...Harold...

(Image shows Harold with a chainsaw cutting down the ice)

...Heather...

(Image shows Heather with an issue of herself on Playboy. She is giving a thumbs up.)

(Heather takes the microphone from Chris's hand)

Heather: And now, here is the star of the show...the ultimate Rock Star of the Total Drama universe and is so hot, he can make Alaska melt...Justin!

(Justin arrives in the sky. He's hanging on to a helicopter, and as soon as he lands. Pyro goes off the stage!)

Justin: Looks like I really did myself...How's it going, everyone! This is "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular"!

(The crowd cheers.)

Justin: I wanna say thank you to all of you watching on Pay Per View! You have made this event the most watched event in Pay Per View history! Bite that, WrestleMania! As far as everyone is concerned...The real champ is here! No offense, John Cena!

(Shows John Cena as he is invisible.)

John Cena: It's okay, they cant see me anyway.

Justin: I heard that. Okay, as you both know, we see what kind of dumbass tactic Alejandro does to get in my show. Well, I tell you, it's about to be better than the first! Let's see...

* * *

><p>(Camera shows Alejandro trying to get in like last time.)<p>

Chef Hatchet: Ticket, please.

Alejandro: Here you go, my good man. And for good reasons, it is not expired or is fake. Check it.

(Chef Hatchet does so.)

Chef Hatchet: Well, I'll be a skunk on a human bear trap, this is real!

Alejandro: See! So, I guess I'll be in your way.

(As soon as Alejandro takes a few steps, Chef Hatchet stops him in time.)

Chef Hatchet: Yeah right, fool...You think you can play me like the sopapilla-loving cracker that you are?

Alejandro: (looking scared) There's nothing wrong with this, I swear!

Chef Hatchet: This is a damn bus pass!

Alejandro: What! (Looks at the ticket. It seems to be counterfeited. Alejandro looks pissed off.) Damn O'Doyle!

(The O'Doyle Family drives up to Alejandro.)

O'Doyles: O' Doyles rule!

(The O'Doyle's drive off. Alejandro looks up to Chef Hatchet.)

Alejandro: So...you gonna let me in?

(Chef Hatchet gives him an angry, yet satisfying smile.)

Alejandro: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(Alejandro gets tossed 30 feet right into a garbage can, knocking the garbage and him down. The police officer from SpongeBob SquarePants shows up, writes Alejandro a ticket and leaves.)

Alejandro: Oh...Ay caramba...

* * *

><p>(Crowd applauses.)<p>

Justin: That poor bastard...Anyway, we got a tremendous show! We got some special guests, some fanmail, and a whole lot more crazy s*** you can expect! Now unlike this show, all of the skits will be in your hands. That's right, every skit on this show will be...

Heavy Metal voice: VIEWERS CHOICE!

Justin: James Durbin, everyone! And now, let's close to commercial with a little piece of Buckcherry! Hit it, Trent!

(Buckcherry's "Lit Up" plays)

Justin:_  
>Oh yeah<em>  
><em> Ya wanna find it<em>  
><em> Come on yeah<em>

_ I'm on a plane, with cocaine_  
><em> And yes I'm all lit up again<em>  
><em> Cough up love, and touch up<em>  
><em> Your mama said packing lines is sin<em>

_ And yes I'm all lit up again_  
><em> On the couch, in my bed<em>  
><em> And yes I'm all, lit up again, flying<em>  
><em> I love the cocaine, I love the cocaine<em>  
><em> Mama can you wait, mama can you wait, yeah<em>

_ I'm on a train, and ride on_  
><em> You know the train is staying off the track<em>  
><em> I'm in touch love, from this crutch<em>  
><em> Well you're on ten, but honey I'm on eleven<em>

_ And yes I'm all lit up again_  
><em> On the couch, in my bed<em>  
><em> And yes I'm all, lit up again, flying<em>  
><em> I love the cocaine, I love the cocaine<em>  
><em> Mama can you wait, mama can you wait<em>  
><em> I love the cocaine, I love the cocaine<em>  
><em> Mama can you wait, oh can you wait long?<em>

_ Well crack the door for the curious girl cause she's been waiting, she's been waiting_  
><em> Chop a line for the fiending man 'cause he wants one<em>  
><em> You know, you know you got to, can you feel it can you feel it tonight, are you high love, tell me are you fucking high?<em>  
><em> In the moment you are just so right<em>  
><em> You're right love, are you right love?<em>

_ And yes I'm all lit up again_  
><em> On the couch, in my bed<em>  
><em> And yes I'm all, lit up again, flying<em>  
><em> I love the cocaine, I love the cocaine<em>  
><em> Mama can you wait, mama can you wait<em>  
><em> I love the cocaine, I love the cocaine<em>  
><em> Mama can you wait, oh can you wait long?<em>

_ Oh yeah_  
><em> Don't wanna fight that<em>  
><em> Alright, yeah<em>  
><em> Yeah<em>

* * *

><p>Heather: Hey, Heather here! Our first skit is a parody of a 70s game show, and you...the fans, will get to choose which game show you want to see! You can choose from these 3 choices:<p>

**The Dating Game (With D.J. as the host)  
><strong>

**The Newlywed Game (with Owen as the host)  
><strong>

**The Match Game (with Geoff as the host)  
><strong>

Send us the most votes and see what comes up in the first official chapter of "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular"! Until then, the show will be right back!**  
><strong>


	2. The Newlywed Game, TJS Edition!

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated T for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: I don't know why I do this, but I don't own! All of the skits will be viewers choice! Enjoy! In this skit there will be only two rounds. This is Round 1. Round 2 won't come until later.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>The Newlywed Game, TJS Edition<strong>

Chris McLean (announcer): Ladies and gentleman...from Whoeverthehellisfrom, California...it's the new edition of the Newlywed Game! And now here's your host...Owen Bigass (Big-us.)

(Owen appears, but trips. He gets a laugh for the crowd.)

Owen: Hi, everyone, and welcome to "The Newlywed Game"! I'm Owen Bigass, popular game show host and the spokesperson for "I Can't Believe Its Ritalin!". The product where you think you can get fiber, but you get screwed anyway! Ha!

(Crowd is silenced. They didn't get Owen's joke.)

Owen: (silently) Un-humoristic bastards... (normal) Anyway, enough about me, let's just get to the couples! Our first couple is from Chicago, Illinois! He's a ladies shoe salesman...

(Crowd laughs.)

Owen:...and she's a housewife you wanna cuddle and comfort with...please welcome Al and Peggy Bundy!

(Al and Peggy Bundy appear, but it's actually Geoff and Bridgette wearing their costumes.)

Al Bundy (Geoff): Un, Owen, if you count the couch-sitting red-headed behemoth standing right beside me...that's my mother.

(Peggy [Bridgette] hits him lightly.)

Peggy Bundy (Bridgette): He's just kidding about the behemoth stuff. He works for a living. He tries to satisfy his wife. He does neither.

Owen: Point well taken. Okay, our next couple is from New York! He's a rapper, she's an entertainer. He owns the New Jersey Nets, and she owns him. Please welcome Jay-Z and Beyonce!

(Jay Z and Beyonce appear, but D.J. and LeShawna are dressed up as them.)

Beyonce (LeShawna): Yeah, that's right people. You people aren't ready for this jelly!

Jay Z (D.J.): Can I get a what-what from this crowd here?

Crowd: What! What!

Jay Z (D.J.) Yeah, that's right. F*** your mother.

Owen: How appropriate...Okay, and our final couple hails all the way from San Fernando Valley, California. They are well known por-uh, I mean,-models who love the good life and has a relationship more hotter than fat sex at Denny's...please welcome Heather Strokes and Justin Hardstiff!

(Heather and Justin appear as they are dressed like adult film stars.)

Heather: Oh, my...It feels so hot being here. I love how these tight clothes are molding themselves to my body.

Crowd: (mostly men) WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Justin: No kidding. From what I'm seeing down there...I'm feeling a little "stiff" myself.

Crowd: (mostly females) WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Owen: Okay, that's inappropriate...Okay, the rules of this game are I ask you a few questions and your hubby/hotty must write down the answer. Sound good enough?

Al Bundy (Geoff): Uh, Big Ass-

Owen: It's "Bigass". Big-us!

Al Bundy (Geoff): Yeah, whatever. Uh, look, I must withdraw from the game because I have um-No-wife syndrome. Yeah, it causes me to utterly forget my wife and move on to some hot looking babe who's looking to ride the Wild Bundy.

Owen: Nice try, sir. We had a guy come in with an excuse like that...he got the chair. Okay, folks. Let's start the game with our first question of the day! "What kind of pizza does your wife prefer when she sneaks into the middle of the night." Al Bundy (Geoff), what kind of pizza does your wife prefer?

Al Bundy (Geoff): Why should I know, I never eat any pizza because she feeds that huge globby whale Peg calls her mother! So, I'm gonna say "whale blubber."

Owen: Whale blubber, huh. Peggy (Bridgette), what did you write down.

(Peggy [Bridgette] writes down "Pepperoni.")

Owen: Oh, I'm sorry. It's Pepperoni.

(Al [Geoff] looks at her angrily.)

Peggy Bundy (Bridgette): Well, if you can only remember my favorite pizza, I would have saved you any!

Al Bundy (Geoff): Well, serves me right for being half-dead! I could have went with Jefferson and the boys, but we had to go this hell-hole instead!

Owen: Okay, Jay-Z (D.J.), same question!

Jay Z (D.J.): I'll say pineapples, cause it's ripe like my wife's booty. Hey, that's a good title! "Ripe Like My Wife"! I like that!

Owen: Beyonce (LeShawna), what did you write down?

(Beyonce [LeShawna] writes down "Apples")

Owen: Sorry Jay-Z (D.J.), it's apples!

Jay Z (D.J.): Apples? You serious! We could've had that one right!

Beyonce (LeShawna): You should know, my booty is as luscious as all the apples your big-ass head had fallen from that dumbass family tree!

Jay Z (D.J.): My family is not dumbasses! They just don't know too much, girl!

Owen: Okay, as they fight it out, let's go to Heather and Justin!

(Camera shows Justin, making a sex-like face. He seems to be sweating while suckling noises are heard.)

Justin: (moaning) Oh, baby...that's it...Keep going...)

Owen: Uh, excuse me...you're up.

Justin: Oh, crap.

(Heather gets back up and wipes her mouth.)

Owen: Okay...Justin, what kind of Pizza does your wife prefer?

Justin: Well, knowing where me and my wife come from...I say, "Sexaroni."

Owen: Really...Heather, what did you write down?

(Heather writes down "Sexaroni".)

Owen: That's the correct answer! But why "Sexaroni"?

Justin: Me and Heather get it from Mr. Sexi's Pizza. They serve everything! But when you get inside, pizza ain't the only thing that's serving hot!

Females: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Owen: Yeah...Anyway, that's the end of the first round! So far, the Bundys have 0...

(Al [Geoff] mimes shooting himself in the head, while Peggy [Bridgette] minds her own business.)

Owen:...Jay Z (D.J.) and Beyonce (LeShawna) have none...

(Jay Z [D.J.] and Beyonce [LeShawna] are still arguing.)

Owen:...And Justin and Heather are in the lead with 200 points!

(Justin and Heather start to makeout in celebration of the 1st Round)

Owen:...so stay tuned, because we got more coming up after this! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go to my dressing room to cry and pee.

* * *

><p>John Morrison: What's up, I'm the Shaman of Sexy, John Morrison. "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back. Don't miss it.<p>

**Harold: Hey, I'm Harold, GOSH! Next up will be one of my favorite uncles giving another one of his classic interviews to another famous rock band. Which rock band do you want the cast of The Justin Show to parody:**

**The Doors**

**The Eagles**

**Led Zeppelin**

**Send me your reviews and votes, and see what happens next chapter! Read and review until then. WINNING!  
><strong>


	3. Harold the III interviews Led Zeppelin

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated T for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: Took me a while, but the wait was worth it!**

* * *

><p><strong>Harold McGrady's Interview with Led Zeppelin<br>**

(Scene opens as Harold is reading a book in the fireplace, after that, his face turns to the camera.)

Harold: (with english accent) Hello, my name is Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V, and welcome to Classic Interview Hour. This is the show where my generations of my family interview all people of all sizes. Of course you know, my uncle, Harold the III, interviewed one of the most popular rock bands ever to hit the scene in the 1970s, named Fleetwood Mac. But now, we turn this whole son of a bitch all the way to 11 with one of the most innovative rock bands of that era. Their self-titled debut album won them legions of fans all around the world. But it was their fourth album that brought out the hits "Stairway To Heaven", "When The Levee Breaks", and one of my favorites, "Rock and Roll" that they became immortal. Their names are similar to every mind of the visual rock fan. Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham...the foursome known...as Led Zeppelin. This interview is from the 1971 tour as the band promoted the legendary "Led Zeppelin IV" album. Enjoy, GOSH!

**Led Zeppelin's 1971 Tour**

Harold III: So, how did the band form altogether?

Robert Plant (Geoff): Well, my man. We were all high and drunk on Kaopectate. Except Jimmy, he had fermaldidhyde. We somehow thought of it, and wall-la. Here we are.

Harold III: Fascinating. Jimmy, has your guitar playing brought out every chick and steak and mash unlike any other?

Jimmy Page (Trent): Why should I know? I came to drink and hump!

Harold III: John Bonham? How come the last three letters at the end of your last name sound like a form of meat.

(Camera turns to John Bonham [Cody] who is munching on ham.)

John Bonham (Cody): I don't know, I was just hungry. Maybe is just that I like ham.

Harold III: Are all of you jacked up on pot?

Robert, Jimmy, and John: Yes!

Harold III: I had to ask...

Robert Plant (Geoff): But that's not how the story ends. The song remains the same. Everytime Jimmy (Trent) steps up and play "Stairway to Heaven", all the whores in Madison Square Garden flock. It's like he's having sex with the guitar.

Jimmy Page (Trent): It's true, I rock this guitar's world like I do their wives and girlfriends!

(Jimmy Page [Trent] strikes a chord.)

John Bonham (Cody): Anybody got any salt?

John-Paul Jones (Justin): Hey, isn't anybody gonna speak to me? I'm the centerpiece of this band damn it!

Harold III: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't notice you there. I thought you were one of the roadies.

John-Paul Jones (Justin): I'm the bass player, Bo-Tard! It's no wonder I hardly get any respect! I get every chick on the planet better than Jimmy! Last week, I nailed this broad who wanted an offer for backstage passes and I gave her an all around the world mixed with a side of hot carl and curdled cream! And that's the whole thing that I've got down on a side of paper.

John Bonham (Cody): Seriously, everyone. Where's the salt? This ham is too peppery!

John-Paul Jones (Justin): And as a matter of fact...

Led Zeppelin Fangirl (Heather): Oh, John-Paul (Justin)...

John Paul Jones (Justin): Yeah, babe?

Led Zeppelin Fangirl (Heather): Ready to curdle my cream...?

John Paul Jones (Justin): Sure! Just meet me back at the hotel room babe. It's the room where the interracial couple with a clown and a midget are doing the full body massage with Ranch dressing next door? That's where I am!

Led Zeppelin Fangirl (Heather): Okay! Bye...(Heather blows a kiss to him seductively and leaves.)

John-Paul Jones (Justin): Bye...

(Looks to the rest of the band members who looks jealous.)

John-Paul Jones (Justin): Oh, sure. Find a chick like that who's full of ecstacy and see what comes down the whore tree!

Robert Plant (Geoff): YOU SON OF A-!

(Robert and Jimmy chase John-Paul. throughout the building.)

Jimmy Page (Trent): That was supposed to be my chick, you son of a bitch!

John-Paul Jones (Justin) You're lucky I wasn't doing the vertical cha-cha with your wife!

Harold III: (Throws away the cards.) Well, that was one interview worth getting high on.

(John Bonham [Cody] goes to him, handing him a side of ham.)

John Bonham (Cody): Ya want some?

(A short pause.)

Harold III: Why not? At least I went to this interview sober, GOSH!

(Harold III eats the ham.)

* * *

><p>The Rock: I'm the Great One, The Rock! "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular will come right back to whip your candyass! If ya smell...what Justin and The Rock...is cookin'...<strong><br>**

**Justin: Okay everyone! The next chapter is FANMAIL TIME! Here's the whole description on what to do to send your letter!**

**Send a letter from one of these choices:**

**Justin (Yours truly), Heather, Owen, Eva, LeShawna, Cody, Harold, Geoff, Bridgette, DJ, Blaineley**

**Question (You can add any question, it can be anything you want!):**

**Sincerely, (Your name, you can make one up, and it can even be funny!)**

**Just to show you what I'm talking about again, and for somebody who's not familiar with this...here's an example.**

_**Dear (?),**_

_**(Question included)**_

**_Sincerely, (your name)_**

**Just like last time, we will not accept pro-Alejandro letters. We will only accept Anti-Alejandro letters. Just don't send too much. Maybe 3 or 4 will do.  
><strong>

**Send us many questions, and we'll answer them in the next chapter! Until then, later!  
><strong>


	4. FAN MAIL TIME!

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated T for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: Took me a while, but the wait was worth it!**

* * *

><p><strong>FANMAIL TIME!<strong>

Justin: Ah, man. I feel so good. I just cant stand it, because it's time for...

Heavy Metal voice: FAN MAIL TIME!

Justin: James Durbin everyone. Like I didn't give a damn. Okay, who's gonna send the letters this time? Well...none other than the lawyer of sleaze, and the badass of brawn, give it up for 80's District Attorney, Dan Fielding!

Dan Fielding: You may all be nauseating right now.

Justin: Same here. Okay, shoot me up a letter.

Dan Fielding: Okay, then after that, shoot my vital organs after that.

Justin: Will do.

(Dan shoots up a letter in the air, Justin catches it.)

Justin: Thank you. This is from anonymous from Los Angeles and he writes:

_Dear Justin and Heather,_

_Now, just exactly what is the speed of heartbeats during the...hotel scenes you two so intimately screw each other in? Are we talking like, breaking the speed of light's speed limit?_ _And I LOVE YOU HEATHER! BUT BECAUSE JUSTIN DESERVES YOU MORE, I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH YOU TWO BEING TOGETHER! I'VE HAD TO MANY 5 HOUR ENERGIES NOW!_

_Sincerely, anonymous._

(Both Justin and Heather are stunned with a long pause._)_

Audience: WoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!

Justin: Well...anonymous. Dan Fielding, what is the exact speed of heartbeats of hotel scenes me and Heather screw each other in?

Dan Fielding: Here's proof...

(Scene shows Justin and Heather having sex under the sheets and located on the scene is a meter knowing the speed.)

Heather: (moaning) OH YES! AHHHHHH! YOU'RE SO BIG! HARDER! HARDER!

Justin: Oh Heather...! I'm good! I"M REAL GOOD! SCREAM MY NAME!

Heather: OH...OH...OH JUSTIN! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...!

(Speed meter passes 1,000,000, but breaks down. Back to stage.)

Justin: We'll count it to million.

Heather: Add that to 1.

Justin: 1,000,001?

Heather: Geoff wrote it, not me.

Justin: Fair enough, Dan, next letter.

Dan Fielding: Yes, my King!_  
><em>

(Dan shoots up another letter.)

Justin: Thank you, this one's from Kyrogue Euroden, and he writes...

_Dear Justin,_

_For your next "Make Alejandro Pay", can you put him and Courtney inside the world of Resident Evil where they can be kill (but it will be a virtual reality world where he just come out of it scare) by Nemesis, Wesker, zombies, or whatever you can think of?_

_Sincerely, Kyrogue Euroden_

_ P.S. Justin is awesome._

Justin: Thanks...further of all, I will accept your offer. The only idea is...which zombies am I gonna put? Could it be me, Heather, and the rest of the guys. Or some of those cute deadly animals that Master Shake put on the microwave. Whatever it is I could think of, I'll get back to you._ Next letter please!_

Dan Fielding: Like I have a choice...

(Dan shoots another letter.)

Justin: Okay, this one is for Cody.

Cody: Okay, this one's from Ivana Hugalot from Russia and she writes...

_Dear Cody,_

_ How long is your current restraining order against Sierra?_

_ Sincerely, Ivana Hugalot_

_Cody: Longer than Justin's hard penis. That good enough for you?_

(Justin and Heather look at him disgustedly.)

Justin: Dude, you look at guy's penises? Are you sick, retarded, and deaf?

Cody: Only by comparison.

Justin: Thanks for putting the image in my head! Dan Fielding, next letter!

Dan Fielding: Got it.

_(Dan shoots another letter.)_

Justin: Thanks, Captain Crap Pants...

Dan Fielding: How in the hell did Judge Stone find about that anyway!

Justin: Don't blame him for your s*** problem! Okay, this letter is from How to Kill a Alejandro-fan 001 and he/she writes:

_Dear Everyone,_

_ What about Aledickface do you hate the most? I for a fact just hate him. Hey what happened to the tourture Alejandro segment it was awesome! i would like to see more of that. :D_

_ Sincerely, How to Kill a Alejandro-fan001_

Justin: Well, How to Kill a Alejandro-fan001...I cant stand that a#$hole because he's nothing but a poor man's version of me! He thinks he's from Spain, he thinks his girlfriend is really Heather when it's actually a blow-up doll, and his brother kicks his ass! Hi Jose! Oh, don't worry. the "Torture Alejandro" segment doesn't come later in the show. You're gonna enjoy what happens...Dan?

Dan Fielding: Hey look, this is just your "size", Justin.

Justin: Fair enough, let's go to commercial with a little something that goes like this. Harold?

(Public Enemy's "Public Enemy No. 1" plays)

Harold:_  
>oh Yo Chuck, bust a move man<em>  
><em> I was on my way up here to the studio<em>  
><em> Ya know what I'm sayin'<em>  
><em> And this brother stop me and axe me<em>  
><em> "Yo wassup with that brother Chuckie D, he swear he nice"<em>  
><em> I said<em>  
><em> "Yo the brother don't swear he's nice, he knows he's nice"<em>  
><em> Ya know what I'm sayin'<em>  
><em> So Chuck, we gotta fill in<em>  
><em> You turn him into a Public Enemy man<em>  
><em> Now remeber that line you was kicking to me<em>  
><em> On the way out to LA ? ? ?<em>  
><em> While we was in the car on our way to the Shot (?)<em>  
><em> Well yo right now kick the bass for them brothers<em>  
><em> And let them know<em>  
><em> What goes on<em>

Justin:  
><em> What goes on<em>

_ Well I'm all in - put it up on the board_  
><em> Another rapper shot down from the mouth that roared<em>  
><em> 1-2-3 down for the count<em>  
><em> The result of my lyrics - oh yes, no doubt<em>  
><em> Cold rock rap - 49er supreme<em>  
><em> Is what I choose and I use - I never lose to a team<em>  
><em> Cause I can can go solo - like a Tyson bolo<em>  
><em> Make the fly girls wanna have my photo<em>  
><em> Run in their room - hang it on the wall<em>  
><em> In remembrance that I rocked them all<em>  
><em> Suckers, ducks, ho-hum MC's<em>  
><em> You can't rock the kid - so go cut the cheese<em>  
><em> Take this application of rhymes like these<em>  
><em> My rap's red hot - 110 degrees<em>  
><em> So don't start bassin' I'll start placin'<em>  
><em> Bets on that you'll be disgracing<em>  
><em> You and your mind from a beatin' from my rhymes<em>  
><em> A time for a crime that I can't find<em>  
><em> I'll show you my gun - my Uzi weighs a ton<em>  
><em> Because I'm Public Enemy number one<em>

_ One (x7)_

_ You got no rap - but you want to battle_  
><em> It's like havin' a boat - but you got no paddle<em>  
><em> Cause I never pause - I say it because<em>  
><em> I don't break in stores - but I break all laws<em>  
><em> Written while sittin' - all fittin' not bitten<em>  
><em> Givin' me the juice that your not gettin'<em>  
><em> I'm not a law obeyer - so you can tell your mayor<em>  
><em> I'm a non-stop, rhythm rock poetry sayer<em>  
><em> I'm the rhyme player - the ozone layer<em>  
><em> A battle what? Here's a bible start your prayer<em>  
><em> This word to the wise is justified<em>  
><em> If they ask you what happened - just admit you lied<em>  
><em> You just got caught a - for going out of order<em>  
><em> And now you're servin' football teams their water<em>  
><em> You messed with the master, word to Chuck<em>  
><em> And I'll wax cold tax, made sure you got DUNKED<em>  
><em> You just got dissed - all but dismissed<em>  
><em> Sucker duck MC's - you get me pissed<em>  
><em> It's no fun - being on the run<em>  
><em> Because they got me - Public Enemy number one<em>

_ One - One - One_  
><em> One - One - One<em>

_ Don't you know, don't you know_  
><em> I got a posse OF A force to back me up<em>  
><em> Watch out, we got mettle to match<em>  
><em> Ambush attack on my back - doubleteamin', get creamed<em>  
><em> So we have us SO YOU'RE OK?<em>  
><em> Wanna hear it again<em>  
><em> We got a force - enemy down<em>  
><em> The L.I. circuit sound<em>  
><em> Ain't it Chuckie D, myself and KG - Flavor, DJ Melody<em>  
><em> Oh yes, I presume it's the tunes - that make us groom<em>  
><em> To make all the ladies SWOON<em>  
><em> But it's also the words from OUR DIRECTION- a goldboy session<em>  
><em> Kickin' like Bruce Lee's chinese connection<em>  
><em> On stereo - never ever MIND, YO<em>  
><em> All wax - yes I'm talkin' about vinyl<em>  
><em> They said stop freeze<em>  
><em> I got froze up<em>  
><em> Because I'm Public Enemy number one<em>

_ One - One - One_  
><em> One - One - One<em>  
><em> One - One - One<em>

_ For all you suckers - liars, your cheap amplifiers_  
><em> You crossed up wires are always starting fires<em>  
><em> You grown up criers - now here's a pair of pliers<em>  
><em> Get a job like your mother - I heard she fixes old dryers<em>  
><em> You have no desires - your father fixes tires<em>  
><em> You try to sell ya equipment - but you get no buyers<em>  
><em> It's you they never hire - you're never on flyers<em>  
><em> Cause you and your crew - is only known as good triers<em>  
><em> Known as the poetic political lyrical son<em>  
><em> I'm Public Enemy number one<em>

_ One - One - One_  
><em> One - One - One<em>  
><em> One - One - One<em>

Harold:_  
>Yeah, that's right Chuck man<em>  
><em> That's what you gotta do<em>  
><em> You gotta tell them just like that<em>  
><em> Ya know what I'm sayin'<em>  
><em> Cause yo man, let me tell you a little somethin' man<em>  
><em> These brothers runnin' around - hard headed<em>  
><em> Makin' a little jealous<em>  
><em> Ya know what I'm sayin'<em>  
><em> Just like that, ya know<em>  
><em> They try to bring you down with 'em<em>  
><em> But yo Chuck, you gotta let 'em know who's who in the world of beat<em>  
><em> You gotta let 'em know that this is the 80's<em>  
><em> And we can get all the ladies<em>  
><em> And in the backyard we got a fly Mercedes<em>  
><em> And that's the way the story goes<em>  
><em> That's just the way the story goes<em>  
><em> Let me tell you a little somethin' man<em>

_ yes it is_

* * *

><p>Flavor Flav: Yeah, boy! This is yo boy Flavor Flav from Public Enemy. The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular will be back!<p>

**Geoff: Geoff here! Okay, we decided to finally let Cody off for now. But you get to see what the Charlie Sheen Quad Squad gets to do next? You want us to:**

Torture Alejandro dressed up as clowns

Torture Courtney dressed up as zombies

Torture Ezekiel dressed up as DX

**Geoff: Give us your votes and see what happens next chapter! WINNING! Oh, read and review to see what you think too.**


	5. CSQS Tourtures Courtney

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated T for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: Fist pump! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!**

* * *

><p><strong><span>Charlie Sheen Quad Squad Tortures Courtney<span>**

(The skit opens as Courtney is in a virtual reality world. She is in the Resident Evil world. Right now, she is shooting off a round of zombies.)

Courtney: Taste this bitch!

(Throws a grenade at a zombie blowing him up.)

(More zombies are headed into Courtney's way.)

Courtney: Tough bastards...

(Courtney mows down 3 zombies using Sub Machine Guns. She now heads into the infected police station.)

Courtney: It's quiet. Too quiet...

(Courtney then hears footsteps coming from the halls of the Raccoon City Police Department.)

Courtney: Who's there?

(Charlie Sheen shows up. Courtney is surprised.)

Charlie Sheen: Winning!

Courtney: Charlie Sheen? You're still alive.

Charlie Sheen: Correct. My crystal blue-flame babe with the rock-solid IQ of a ten-speed Vatican guitarist.

Courtney: What are you waiting for? Grab a gun! I got an assload of zombies to blow off like cocaine!

Charlie Sheen: I don't think that'll be necessary...

Courtney: Why?

(Charlie Sheen is convulging. Courtney is concerned.)

Courtney: Charlie Sheen?

(Charlie Sheen has been transformed into a zombie.)

Zombie Charlie Sheen: Winning...Winning!

(Charlie Sheen lunges after Courtney.)

Courtney: Aah! Get off of me!

(Courtney kicks Zombie Charlie Sheen away.)

Zombie Charlie Sheen: Damn...Courtney...Winning...!

(Zombie Charlie Sheen goes after her. Meanwhile, Courtney hides into the locker room.)

Courtney: Well, that was strange? Charlie Sheen is now a...zombie. Should've shot him when I had the chance.

(Her voice is cut off by suckling and kissing sounds.)

Courtney: What in the hell is that?

(Courtney goes around rows of lockers and finds Geoff and Bridgette making out.)

Courtney: Oh, thank goodness. You guys, we have to get out of here! Charlie Sheen from "Two And A Half Men" is now turned into a zombie!

Geoff: Really? That looks horrible.

Courtney: Seriously, we have to get-AAH!

(She sees that Geoff and Bridgette have turned into zombies.)

Zombie Bridgette: You...interrupted...us!

Courtney: Bridgette! Not you!

Zombie Geoff: Now we want brains...sweet brains...with chocolate!

(Courtney tries to shoot down Zombie Geoff and Zombie Bridgette. They are not affected.)

Courtney: Holy S**T! AAAAAH!

(Courtney runs out of the locker rooms. Zombie Bridgette and Zombie Geoff go after her.)

Courtney: Why is everyone I know turning into...that.

(Courtney runs into a door that is a hallway. Two shadows are blocking the doorway.)

Courtney: Heather! Justin! Something weird is happening! Bridgette, Geoff, and Charlie Sheen are turned into Zombies!

Heather: That's horrible. I really don't give a s**t!

Courtney: Why are you saying that.

Justin: Because...(They walk out of the shadows in a weird motion. When the walk close to Courtney, both Heather and Justin have turned into zombies as well.)...we mean it...

Courtney: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Zombie Heather: You...bitch...!

Zombie Justin: Let's get her...that...bitch...

(Courtney rushes out the doors. The Zombie Charlie Sheen Quad Squad is running after her.)

Courtney: How in the hell could they run like that? They're supposed to be zombies for jeez sake!

(As soon as Courtney looks back...he runs into a zombie version of Barney Stinson and Ted Mosby.)

Courtney: Oh no...not you too!

Zombie Barney Stinson: Have...you...met...Ted...?

Zombie Ted Mosby: You...shall...meet...me!

(Courtney starts to get dizzy. After he gets her focus. She gets trapped by Barney, Ted, and the Charlie Sheen Quad Squad.)

Zombie Charlie Sheen: Winning...!

Zombie Heather: Bitch...!

Zombie Justin: Whore-bag...!

Zombie Geoff: Sweet Chocolate sauce...!

Zombie Bridgette: Ignore me...!

Zombie Barney Stinson: Meet Ted, now...!

Zombie Ted Mosby: Meet me...!

Courtney: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!

(Courtney wakes up, only to find out that it was all a dream.)

Courtney: Oh man...what a bad dream...

(Door knocks.)

Courtney: Who is it?

(Courtney opens the door.)

Charlie Sheen: (opens a pizza) WINNING!

(Courtney screams and faints.)

Charlie Sheen: Geez, all I'm offering her a pizza and all I get is a damn bitchy whore-bag with chocolate sauce. I should ignore her.

(Charlie Sheen leaves with the pizza.)

Barney Stinson: Have you met-

(Barney sees that Courtney is unconscious.)

Barney Stinson: Never mind.

(Barney Stinson leaves.)

* * *

><p>Ted Mosby: "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back. Meet me...now! Meet me...meet me...meet me...<p>

**Justin: Justin here. Get ready to vote on the next sketch coming up! It's gonna be our version of "E's True Hollywood Story"! You want me to pose as:**

**Charlie Sheen**

**The Rock**

**Steven Tyler**

**Send me your reviews and votes and see what comes up in the next chapter! Later!**


	6. The Rock: Pizza Man

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated T for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: I miss doing the tootsie roll. This was gonna be a parody of "E's True Hollywood Story, but I decided to go through a different approach. This is a parody of the WWE Films. I made this one up.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>The Rock: Pizza Man!<br>**

Announcer: Coming this summer...from WWE Films. A movie so intense...a movie so out of this world...a movie out of your mind...it only goes by one name.

(Explosion!)

Announcer: ROCK!

The Rock (Justin): Finally, The Rock, has come back to Hollywood!

Announcer: Yes, Fans. It's The Rock like you never seen him before...as a pizza delivery boy! You'll see drama!

Pizza Hut manager (D.J.): Rock, we got a woman who's down at 420 SmackDown drive! She needs help**!**

The Rock (Justin): Time to lay the SmackDown!

(The Rock [Justin] and D.J. drive to the house in time, where a female citizen [Bridgette] is unconscious. Geoff reacts.)

The Rock (Justin): We're here, what's the problem?

Geoff: I'm glad you guys showed up. My wife's unconscious!

Pizza Hut manager: What the heck happened?

Geoff: She bought Domino's!

The Rock (Justin): Damn jabroni's at Domino's. 30 minutes or less, my ass...

Geoff: Can you help her?

The Rock (Justin): Fortunately...I can.

(The Rock [Justin] brings out some sort of veggie/cheese pizza slice and stuffs it in Bridgette's mouth. She gets back up.)

Geoff: Honey, you made it!

Bridgette: (hugs Geoff) Oh honey! I'm still alive! (Kisses Geoff, then turns to Justin) How can we thank you for saving my life?

The Rock (Justin): No need to, ma'am. It's what we pizza folk do in our lives...laying the SmackDown on Domino's candy ass! Let's go.

Announcer: You'll see action!

(Scene shows Harold, who's a Domino's delivery boy against The Rock [Justin])

Harold: Filthy mortal, you'll never compete against my 30 minutes or less. I'll leave you cold and damp! BWAHAHAHAHA!

The Rock (Justin): Looks like another Jabroni waiting to get his candyass whipped by The Great One!

Harold: Die!

(The Rock [Justin] gives Harold a Rock Bottom.)

The Rock (Justin): Now if you'll excuse me, you'll hear the Pizza Hut customers chant the Rock's name...

Pizza Hut customers: Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!

Announcer: And romance...

(Scene shows Justin face-to-face with Heather, who is wearing a white negligee along with a white garter belt and a pantyhose. They are standing by the door.)

The Rock (Justin): That would be $15, ma'am.

Heather: I wish...but I forgot my money...is there anything...(touching herself)...I can do to keep the pizza for free?

(The Rock [Justin] checks her out.)

The Rock (Justin): Then again...The Rock can always throw out "The People's Strudel" for you to have...

Heather: Come here...

(Heather gently drags The Rock [Justin} into her home.)

The Rock (Justin): I guess maybe I'll throw some Poontang Pie into that as well...

Announcer: Catch The Rock in WWE Films new motion picture..."The Rock: Pizza Man!" Coming...

The Rock (Justin): IT DOESN'T MATTER WHEN THIS MOVIE WILL COME OUT! AND IF YOU DON'T WATCH IT, THE ROCK WILL WHIP ALL YOUR CANDYASSES!

Announcer: Coming whenever The Rock thinks it is. $200,000 for Alejandro to get in.

The Rock (Justin): If ya smell...what The Rock...is cookin'...!

* * *

><p>Al Bundy: I'm Al Bundy, famous shoe salesman. "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back! Peg, where's my Big Uns?<p>

Peggy Bundy: I threw 'em out.

Al Bundy: Peg...I wan't my Big Uns...

**Bridgette: Hey, fans. Bridgette here! I feel so much fun...Me and the Charlie Sheen Quad Squad want to torture Alejandro more. We decided to abduct him and send him here on our stage. What do you want to do to Alejandro? You want to...**

Make him watch Heather/Justin have sex and make him freak out about it

Make him watch 2 girls and a cup.

Make him watch his family members do his induction into the Moron Hall of Fame.

**What will happen in the next chapter? Later!**


	7. What The F?

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated T for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: Believe me, this is as illegal as it gets. Special guest by "Rowdy" Roddy Piper!**

* * *

><p><strong><span>What The F-?<span>**

Announcer: Get ready, because it's time for America's favorite game show, What The F***! And now, here's your host of this program..."Rowdy" Roddy Piper!

(Roddy comes out.)

Rowdy Roddy Piper: Aah! How's it goin' and welcome to What The F*** where two contestants must watch a video and see if they'll freak out or do s*** whatnot! I'm Rowdy Roddy Piper, and I came here to host a game show, kick ass and chew bubblegum! But I'm all out of bubblegum, so lets introduce our competitors! First up, he's a p***k whose girlfriend is a rubber doll and not an asian hottie from Total Drama, please welcome Al Burromuerto!

(Crowd boos Alejandro, who is being dragged out by Geoff and Bridgette.)

Alejandro: Roddy, that's Alejandro. (angrily) And I don't have a rubber doll as my girlfriend!

Roddy: LIKE EVERYONE GIVES A FLYING DAMN! And now, here's your next contestant you will face! He's the awesome actor who has a following of his own tiger-blood smelling warlocks! Please welcome the master of the "Winning" phenomenon, Charlie Sheen!

(Charlie Sheen comes out with a applause.)

Charlie Sheen: Feels good to be here, Pied Piper.

Roddy: It's the "Hot Rod"!

Charlie Sheen: Well, so am I but that doesn't change nothin'...

Roddy Piper: Okay, this is only a 15-minute show, so let's wrap this up. I am gonna show 2 clips to both of you and people will see your reaction. The contestant who doesn't freak out first, wins! Alejandro, you ready.

Alejandro: Ready.

Roddy: Charlie, you ready.

Charlie Sheen: WINNING!

Roddy: Okay, everyone, here is your first clip!

(Video shows the 2 Girls in a cup.)

Alejandro: Well, this is interesting.

Charlie Sheen: That's usual.

(The two girls make out pasionately.)

Alejandro: Oh dear...

Charlie Sheen: Mmm...my favorite.

(The one girl starts pooing in a cup.)

Alejandro: OH DIOS MIO! That's wrong!

Charlie Sheen: I think Jake tried that once.

(The 2 girls eat the poo.)

Alejandro: (covers his eyes.) DIOS MIO! I'M BLIND!

Charlie Sheen: Yeah, I'm thinking Alan tried that once as well. He mistook that as brownies.

(Then they puke in each other's mouth, I think.)

Alejandro: AAAAAAAAAAAH! NO MORE! NO MORE!

Charlie Sheen: Okay, I think I seen my mother do just that...

(DING! DING! DING!)

Roddy: Okay, this round goes to Charlie Sheen!

Charlie Sheen: My crystal-meth bandits will take me to fist-up heights like the Mountain Dew Society would do. WINNING!

Roddy: Okay, Alejandro, you can come back in the next round. All you gotta do is not react in the next clip. You ready?

Alejandro: Yeah...(panting)...I'm ready.

Roddy: Charlie, you ready!

Charlie Sheen: Can I go get some mary jane?

Roddy: Later! Okay, guys. Here is your second clip.

(Next video shows Heather and Justin making out on a bed. It happens to be Alejandro's room.)

Alejandro: Wait a minute...that's mi angel...with another man! WHAT THE F***!

Charlie Sheen: Ooh...mystery of the orient...I like.

(Justin lays on top of Heather, thrusting into her.)

Heather: (moaning) _Oh, Justin...do me...do me harder..._

Justin: (moaning) _You like that don't you...? Ohhhhh..._

Alejandro: DAMN YOU, JUSTIN! YOU...YOU GIRLFRIEND STEALER!

Charlie Sheen: Shut your chimichanga-doing ass, I'm enjoying myself here.

(Justin then turns Heather over where she is on top of him.)

Justin: Yeah, that's right...ride me...

Heather: (moaning) _Ohhhhh...yes...yes...oh, Justin...you're the best..._

Alejandro: Heather! Get off of him. That's my bed, for Mio's sake! This is wrong! I must be dreaming...!

Charlie Sheen: I feel so dirty already...

(Justin then bends Heather over doggie-style.)

Heather: (moaning) _Ohhhhhhh...that's it...harder...harder...!_

Justin: (moaning) _Ohhh...oh, s***...oh, Heather...!_

Alejandro: YOU NO GOOD HAWAIIAN BITCH! I WILL WRING YOUR NECK! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Charlie Sheen: Like Scooby-Doo getting laid! You go, Justin!

(Justin then lays down with Heather still attached to him. He sends Heather up and down like a basketball.)

Justin: (moaning) _That's right...jump on my d***...ohhhh...oh, s***!_

Heather: (moaning) _Oh my god...oh my god...OH MY GOD...OHH...OHH...OH, JUSTIN...I'M GONNA...I'M GONNA..._

Alejandro: You better not...!

Charlie Sheen: Looks like Justin's making some man-milk.

Heather: (feels something squirt inside her.) OH, JUSSSTTTTIIIINNN!

Justin: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...! That feels so good...

Alejandro: AAAH! I give up! I hate this s***! I'm gonna kill that bastard!

Charlie Sheen: That was winning indeed.

Rowdy: I concur. The winner of two flawless rounds is Charlie Sheen. How ya feel, you old dog?

Charlie Sheen: It was like my mind is microwaving a burrito with sex jelly.

Rowdy: Alejandro, I'm sorry. You lose. But for that, we'll give you a consolation prize.

Alejandro: (looking guilty) Just shame.

Rowdy: Better than that, just look!

(Alejandro looks on the video screen.)

Justin and Heather: (they flip Alejandro off, and a caption that shows: "Not a video.")

(Alejandro is pissed.)

Alejandro: (lunges after Justin) I'LL KILL YOU!

(Justin turns on the force field, and knocks Alejandro so far, he is knocked out of the the sky.)

Alejandro: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(Alejandro lands straight into a mailbox.)

Alejandro: (inside the mailbox) Oh...mi head...

(The police officer then writes Alejandro a ticket, places it on his butt and leaves.)

Rowdy: Okay, that's it for "What the F***'! I'm "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, saying I came to chew bubblegum, but...I lost some! Goodbye!

(The Charlie Sheen Quad Squad and Rowdy Roddy Piper wave goodbye.)

* * *

><p>Steve Urkel: Hey, everyone. Steve Urkel is here, saying "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back! Hee hee (snort snort.)<p>

**Owen: Hey, fans. Owen here. We're gonna do our own informercial**! **Which one of us do you want to see? Do you want to see:**

Justin (as TV's Ronn Moss, a.k.a. Ridge from "Bold And The Beautiful".)

Owen (as The Ultimate Warrior)

Cody (as Sonic The Hedgehog)

**Send us your votes and see what happens next chapter! Read and review!**


	8. Sonic Condoms

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated M for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: Because one reviewer told me so, so I gonna give it to you for free! Special appearance by Sierra!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong><span>Sonic Condoms<span>**

(Scene opens as Harold and LeShawna is making out on her bed. Passionate moans are heard from LeShawna.)

LeShawna: (moaning) Oh, Harold...I like that.

Harold: I'm glad you thought so, GOSH!

LeShawna: You brought protection?

(Harold checks his pocket. There seems to be a hole in it.)

Harold: Oh...fuck...

LeShawna: Not again...

Harold: Not to worry, I brought something with me alright...

(Harold whistles. A blue furry creature runs straight their door. It's Cody, but dressed as Sonic The Hedgehog and is sporting a boner!)

Sonic (Cody): Anybody need help?

Harold & LeShawna: Sonic The Hedgehog!

Sonic (Cody): What's the problem?

Harold: I forgot my condom! Besides, if I don't have it, how am I gonna perform at my fastest? Idiot!

Sonic (Cody): Well, not to worry, Harold. From Justin Creations, here comes the new sexual product that makes safe sex easier and faster! It's called Sonic Condoms!

Harold: GOSH! How does it work?

Sonic (Cody): Easy, Harold! You wrap this ring (which is gold, the wrapping is blue.) around your penis...

LeShawna: But, Sonic...his penis is small.

Sonic (Cody): You may think that...but when you put this on...well, you know...

(Harold puts on the Sonic condom, and his small penis slowly grows into a full 10-inch erected penis.)

LeShawna: Ooooh...

Harold: Now, where were we?

(A minute later...Harold is penetrating LeShawna in Sonic-like speed. LeShawna feels the pressure so much, she starts to sweat.)

LeShawna: OHHHHHH...OH GOD! OHHHHH FUUUUUUCCKK!

Harold: OH, CRAP! I'm GONNA BLOW! AHHHHHHHHHHHH...!

(A minute later, Harold and LeShawna are exacted and snuggling together.)

LeShawna: Oh, baby...that was fast...and really good...

Harold: Indeed I am! (to Sonic) Thanks, Sonic! How can I repay you?

Sonic: Don't do crack! Later!

(Sonic runs right straight to the camera in a freeze-frame.)

Amy Rose (Sierra): Sonic Condoms from Justin creations! The only condom that makes the faster person alive. Also for the Female kind, it's Amy Rose Condoms. For the woman who likes a hot sensation with that rosy flavor. It's only-

(Amy Rose [Sierra] looks down and starts to moan from the feeling. He is riding Sonic like a mechanical bull.)

Amy Rose (Sierra): Ohhhh, Sonic...Oh, yes...YES...YES! OH, IMPALE ME, YOU SEXY BLUE BEAST!

Sonic (Cody): Yeah, make me feel it, you hot pink bitch!

* * *

><p>Sonic: Hi, I'm the real Sonic The Hedgehog telling you, "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back! Don't miss it!<p>

**Justin: Justin here as the Round 2 of the Newlywed Game will begin next chapter: Whom do you want to win?**

Al and Peggy Bundy (Geoff and Bridgette)

Jay-Z and Beyonce (D.J. and LeShawna)

Heather and Justin, the Por-um, I mean, the "Model" couple

**Send me your reviews/votes and see what happens next chapter! Later!**


	9. The Newlywed Game, Round 2

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated T for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: I'm getting more reviews than I thought! I am that awesome!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>The Newlywed Game, Round 2<strong>

Owen Bigass: (on the phone) Well, you know what you bitch? You can keep your diseases to yourself and smoke sausages in hell for all that I care! Because that's the last time that I wanna give whores like you the go-around and-

Camera man: (quietly) Um, Owen, were back on the air.

Owen Bigass: Oh, shit, we are? (back to phone) This isn't over! (to Camera.) Hi everyone, and welcome back to the Newlywed Game where we have a tight race. Somehow, the Bundys (Geoff and Bridgette) and Jayonce (D.J. and LeShawna) have zip and Heather Strokes and Justin Hardstiff are in the lead with 100-something points!

(Owen sees Heather moaning.)

Heather: Oh yes...yes...ohhh, Justin...oh, god...!

Owen: Guys, we're on the break.

Heather: Oh shit, Justin, get up!

(Justin goes up and wipes his mouth, in which it had a little strand of hair.)

Justin: Did you hear that?

Owen: In all fucked up ways, yes. Okay Round 2 has began! And this time, I will ask only the wives! We'll start with Al and Peggy Bundy! Peggy, your question is this, "Which movie does your hubby prefer when he just cries?"

Peggy Bundy (Bridgette): If I know from all sources of all stench, it would have to be "Shenandoah".

Owen: Interesting answer, of course I prefer the country group too. Okay, Al, what did you write down?

Al Bundy (Geoff): This.

(Al's answer shows "The Waterboy")

Peggy Bundy (Bridgette): "The Waterboy"? Al, why? We could have beat Heather and Justin over there!

Al Bundy (Geoff): Well, if you didn't have to ruin the good life I would've had with all your whining, moaning, and the kids...I wouldn't be in this poor s**thole! I prefer the Nudie Bar better than this toilet dump!

Peggy Bundy (Bridgette): But, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!

Owen: Tender family moment. Okay, Beyonce, what movie does your husband prefer when he cries?

Beyonce (LeShawna): Beats the fuck out of me...I'll just say "Twilight", I don't know...

Owen: Jay Z?

Jay Z (D.J.): Here it is. Can I get a what what!

Crowd: What what!

(Jay Z's answer was "Vampire In Brooklyn")

(Beyonce is appalled.)

Beyonce (LeShawna): Are you that retarded? You'd cry at a movie with Eddie Murphy as a damn bloodsucker!

Jay Z (D.J.): Brooklyn where it's at. And a thousands blood tests say that I am!

(Beyonce slaps herself in embarassment.)

Owen: I wouldn't agree more... Okay Heather, what movie does Justin prefer when he cries?

Heather: Hmm...I would say..."The Booty and the Beast."

Owen: Really? That's a porno. Justin?

(Justin's answer is "Booty and the Beast.")

Owen: Sonuvabitch...that's right. Justin, why "Booty and the Beast"?

Justin: I don't mean to brag, but the hot lovemaking makes me shed a tear. Like when Belle felt 13 inches of manbeast meat inside her, I cried like a happy man on viagra.

Owen: Interesting, you get some points on the board!

(Justin and Heather celebrate, Al and Peggy are still fighting, so is Jay Z and Beyonce.)

Owen: Okay, the next round-you know what, the hell with this, Justin and Heather can win with this single question. The question is, "What do what I wanna do with a bong." Write.

(several seconds later.)

Owen: Time's up. Justin and Heather, your answer?

(They hold up the answer "Masturbate". The beel dings!)

Owen: YOU GUYS WIN!

Heather: Oh my god...I feel so horny again...!

Justin: Well, then...come here!

(Justin dips her and gives her a passionate kiss.)

Owen: Announcer man, what's their prize!

Announcer: You get your ass beat!

Owen: What the fuck! That's not the prize! You damned dipshit, you sold my ass out to the wolves!

(Owen sees Heather, Justin, Al, Peggy, Jay-Z and LeShawna with an a sort of weapons mainly a punching gloves and baseball bats.)

Heather: Oh Owen, come out to play-ay!

Owen: Oh, fuck...(to Camera) This is Owen Bigass for the Newlywed Game saying...MOMMMMMY!

(The rest of the contestants chase Owen out of the set.)

Announcer: Tune in next week for yet another exciting edition of "The Newlywed Game", all proceeds for this show will be paid for Owen's medical team.

* * *

><p>Stone Cold Steve Austin: Hey, this is Stone Cold Steve Austin telling you that "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back. And that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so! Now give me some beer!<p>

**Justin: I'm back telling you that the next chapter will be FANMAIL TIME AGAIN! Here's how you can send your letter:**

_**Dear (?),**_

_**(Question included)**_

**_Sincerely, (your name)_**

Justin: Your letters can be for me, Heather, Geoff, Bridgette, D.J., Owen, Eva, LeShawna, Cody, Harold, or Blaineley. Like every time, we will accept Anti-Alejandro letters as usual. So send us your opinions and questions and we'll answer them in the next chapter!

Eva: Justin, do you have to keep showing everyone that form on how to write letters? What are you, the first ever human flash card for deaf people?

Justin: I do what I show Eva. It's what it is!


	10. FAN MAIL TIME AGAIN!

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated T for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: I love this part...**

* * *

><p>Justin: I feel jacked up like a tiger-blooded warlock, because it's time once again for...<p>

Heavy Metal voice: FANMAIL TIME!

Justin: James Durbin everyone. Take notice, record morons! Okay, for "FANMAIL TIME" we have decided to have people send us our letters through this T-shirt cannon, and it's gonna hit Owen right in the sack. Owen, you ready.

Owen: I can't feel my ass!

Justin: That's a "yes"! Hit it!

(Letter shoots Owen in the nads.)

Owen: Oh, sweet stinging Stiflers that hurts.

Justin: Nice "American Pie" character reference there...Okay our first letter comes to me and it writes:

_Dear Justin,_

Right now my life sucks! Guess what I have to deal with? When I was born my mother decided to name me Alejandro then that bastard was born so we have the same name! I'm getting my name legally changed. Is it okay if I change it to Justin?

Sincerely,

The Alejandro that doesn't suck ass and needs to die

Justin: Well, if you feel that way and every fan of my show is watching this in millions of their homes, then oh hell yeah! Besides, you cant tell your mothers what to do to you anymore. You're a man! Take advice from your father instead. Owen, hand us the next letter!

(Letter shoots Owen in the nads again.)

Owen: Oh, damn Daisy Dukin' Donuts!

Justin: This next letter comes from anonymous, which I understand you don't wanna reveal your true name, and he writes:

_Dear Justin,_

Here are some questions:

1. What would your TDI elimination order be like?

2. Can you make love to Heather, Uncensored?

3. Can you Kill Alejandro?

3 and 1/2. And then kill Zeke?

From Anomynous.

Justin: Wooooo...like I get enough love like this. Well, One, my elimination would be like this...I'd start from Izzy, Sadie, Katie, Eva, Noah, Ezekiel, Cody, Sierra, Tyler, Lindsay, Courtney, Harold, LeShawna, Trent, Geoff, Bridgette, Beth, D.J., Duncan, Gwen, Owen, Ale-Sucka, Heather, and of course in 1st place...me. But unlike most contestants...I would share my prize money with Heather and I'll leave a damn quarter for Ale-WhoGivesADamn. Second, on that making love to Heather thing...Oh hell yeah! And three and a half, yes, I will kill Ale-GreenGoblin and Zeke, the hick who's a dick. Anything you want, I will accept it face value. Owen, give us our next letter.

Owen: My groin's starting to bleed...

Justin: Suck it up, big man! Next letter!

(Letter hits Owen in the nads again.)

Owen: Oh, crappin' Olsen twin! That really burns...

Justin: Okay, next letter is from Izzi, thank goodness it's not the psycho bitch, and she writes:

_Dear Alejerko,_

_ You ruin us Hispanics, I will go and beat you up with my awesome friends that like hurting people, yeah,I have a lot of friends crazy ones, smart ones, stuck up ones, ones that like hurting people._

_ Anyways? Have you ever thought of suicide?_

_ And you know that heather doesnt love you!_

_ MWWAHAHAHAAAAA i feel so evil_

_ Sincerely, Izzi aka the latino who hates Alejandro_

Justin: Well, if we haven't learned from the information given to you my awesome fans_..._Alejandro's not in the show, because I hate him to holy hell...but since you asked...answering your question will be Alejandro's dim-witted brother, Ale-Holio!

(AleHolio [Beavis] comes out. He is given a standing ovation.)

Crowd: AleHolio! AleHolio! AleHolio!

AleHolio (Beavis): I am AleHolio! Heather dumped me cause she wont give me T.P.! I need T.P. for my bunghole! My bunghole will eat now! Bla! BlaHabla! They will kill my bunghole!

Justin: Okay, that's enough. AleHolio everyone!

AleHolio: Heather will give me T.P. for my bunghole!

(AleHolio goes near Heather.)

Heather: Ew, get away!

Justin: AleHolio, no! Remember what the constitution said, No ancestor of Alejandro gets their dirty little hands on Heather!

(AleHolio leaves.)

Justin: Now that we solved that little problem...Owen, next letter.

Owen: Oh, have mercy on me...

(Letter shoots Owen again.)

Owen: Ah, friggin frakkin flabbergasters!

Justin: It's for you, Owen. Written by Lizzie Borden, and she writes:

_Dear Owen,_

_ Can you demonstrate how much food you can eat in under a minute? _

_ Sincerely, Lizzie Borden_

Justin: Well, since Owen's kinda trapped...Hey Owen, how much food can you eat without your hands?

Owen: I only eat goulash...

Justin: Fair enough. Heather, the timer please.

Heather: (gets the timer) Got it!

Justin: Okay, Owen, if you can eat Goulash without your hands for the next 30 seconds. Ready?

Owen: I really gotta take a shit!

Justin: Piece of cake! Okay, in 5...4...3...2...1! GO!

(Owen eats for 30 seconds, Justin checks out the damage.)

Justin: Oh, crap. He got it all over the stage...Go clean up, you done well. Owen everybody!

Audience: Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen!

Justin: Okay, let's get out another letter!

(Justin catches the letter that shoots at him.)

Justin: Okay, this letter is for Mildre-Uh, I mean, Blaineley!

Blaineley: That's right. At least I have more sketches than Eva...Okay this letter is from Marnie Sudafed and she writes...

_Dear Blaineley,_

_ Did you ever have a sexual relationship with any of the adults on Total Drama? And just how much did you pay for your personal trainer Bunny and your combat trainer Butchy? It seems to be paying off!_

_ Sincerely, Marnie Sudafed_

Blaineley: Okay, first of all, I refuse to tell everyone about my private life...Second of all, I pay my trainers very well. Oh, on the first response, it's Chris McLean. He's nothing more than a wildcat in the bedroom...Rowr...I wish he'd just tame me already...

Justin: Okay, enough, Blaineley. Let's get out the next letter.

Blaineley: Like I give a damn to begin with...

(Letter shoots Blaineley right in the face.)

Blaineley: (pissed off) Who in the hell puts a T-shirt cannon right to my face!

Justin: Yo daddy. Okay, this letter is from Eva-

(Eva pushes Justin down and grabs the letter)

Eva: GIMME THAT! Finally, some respect for the tough women! Okay, this letter is from Markie Mark and she writes:

_Dear Eva,_

_What's your secret to peak physical fitness? And just what kind of guy are you interested in?_

_Sincerely, Markie Mark_

Eva: Ah! I'm glad you asked, woman who's named after a hasbeen rapper in the 90's. The secret is pure grit. If you have the balls to try some of the s**t I do, come with me and work out. I'll show you what pure grit is like! And I've yet to meet the man who can put me to my limit. Then I'll be in love. My letter will come in the mail, it's a little card that has Alejandro's bloody skull beaten.

Justin: Oh, man...I'm gettin' worn out by letters over and over. Blaineley, another letter.

(Letter shoots Blaineley in the face again.)

Blaineley: Ow! Damn paper cut! I already put on my face in the morning! Now, I gotta do it again, bungholes...

Justin: Ooh...this one's for me...it's from Kyrogue23 and he writes...

_Dear Justin,_

_I love your show and I would like to ask you to do a skit with Deadpool in it?_

_ Sincerely, Kyrogue23_

Justin: Well, I'm familiar with Deadpool from the Marvel comics, and well...you may never know when he'll show up. Maybe on Lowered Expectations, or maybe Hollywood Squares or some s**t. You may never know...Okay, and it seems we got one last letter. Blaineley?

Blaineley: Really, Justin...I can't take much more.

(Letter shoots Blaineley again.)

Blaineley: Argh, come on! Like Owen gets hit in the nads painful enough!

Justin: Suck it up. This one's for Cody and Sierra...and this says...

_Dear Cody and Sierra_,

_ How much time did you spend in the makeup room for the Sonic commercials?_

Justin: Well, let's check up with Cody and Sierra...

(Camera shows just Cody's dressing room. Cody and Sierra's voices are heard.)

_Cody: (moaning) Oh, Sierra...jump on me, baby...oh...ohh...!_

_Sierra: (moaning) Oh, Cody...your rod is so big! Oh, fuck...OH FUCK!_

_Cody: (moaning) Yeah, feel it you hot bitch! I'm the man...!_

_Sierra: (moaning) OHHHHHH, COOOOODYYY! OHHHHH...!_

(Justin has a disturbed look in his face._)_

Justin: Well, um...somebody. Cody couldn't answer your letter. Knowing that he's having his brains fucked by Sierra, so he's spent. And so am I, let's take a commercial break. Cody-oh, yeah, he's doing it... Gwen, hit it for us!

Gwen: You got it! 1...2...1,2,3,4!

(Iggy Pop's "Real Wild Child" plays.)

Justin:  
><em>Well I'm just outa school<em>  
><em> Like I'm real real cool<em>  
><em> Gotta dance like a fool<em>  
><em> Got the message that I gotta be<em>  
><em> A wild one<em>  
><em> Ooh yeah I'm a wild one<em>

_ Gotta break it loose_  
><em> Gonna keep'em movin' wild<em>  
><em> Gonna keep a swingin' baby<em>  
><em> I'm a real wild child<em>

_ Gonna meet all muh friends_  
><em> Gonna have ourself a ball<em>  
><em> Gonna tell my friends<em>  
><em> Gonna tell them all<em>  
><em> That I'm a wild one<em>  
><em> Ooh yeah I'm a wild one<em>

_ Gotta break it loose_  
><em> Gonna keep 'em movin' wild<em>  
><em> Gonna keep a swingin' baby<em>  
><em> I'm a real wild child<em>

_ I'm a real wild one_  
><em> An' I like a wild fun<em>  
><em> In a world gone crazy<em>  
><em> Everything seems hazy <em>  
><em> I'm a wild one<em>  
><em> Ooh yeah I'm a wild one<em>

_ Gotta break it loose_  
><em> Gonna keep'em movin' wild<em>  
><em> Gonna keep a swingin' baby<em>  
><em> I'm a real wild child<em>

_ I'm a wild one_  
><em> I'm a wild one<em>  
><em> I'm a wild one<em>  
><em> Oh baby<em>  
><em> I'm a wild one<em>

_ Gotta break it loose_  
><em> Gonna keep 'em movin' wild<em>  
><em> Gonna keep a swingin' baby<em>  
><em> I'm a real wild child<em>

* * *

><p>Berta: Hi, I'm Berta from "Two and a Half Men". "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back. Go sober up with a bong.<p>

**Justin: Hey, me again. Okay, we are bringing back "Lowered Expectations"! But this time, you get to include who will be on there! Will it be...**

Deadpool (as himself)

Nightcrawler (played by Geoff)

Captain America (played by Justin)

**Choose who will be in the next chapter after you send in the reviews/votes! Later!  
><strong>


	11. Lowered Expectations: Deadpool

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated T for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: Lowered Expectations is back! Expect references of characters from X-Men  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Lowered Expectations: Deadpool<br>**

(tender music plays)

Chorus: _Lowered expectations..._

Computer voice: _Deadpool, number 035._

Deadpool: Hey, ladies. This is the one and only Deadpool, ladies...

Camera guy: Uh, Deadpool. We're not supposed to have masks on this segment.

Deadpool: Who in the blue fuck said so? My face is a disfigured mess! I can't help if the rest of my body happens to resemble a male porn star!

Camera guy: I didn't know you were a male porn star.

Deadpool: I'm half anti-hero and half porn star! I screw chicks better than you screw a damn lightbulb, pal! What about that time, in one of the films I did, I took Kitty Pryde and gave that fine pussy a twirl around the world! Me and Nightcrawler did the good old D.P. and she started purring like a sex kitten ever would. Believe you me, pal. That wasn't yarn she was just spinning. And not any cat toys she was flinging around either!

Camera guy: This is a family show here.

Deadpool: I don't give a flying fuck what you think! I say what I say. (to camera) Girls, I'm free and single, I want a intimate relationship, and I don't appreciate movies that puts me to fucknig sleep. I prefer movies that shows Jason Biggs putting his weiner inside pies or shit being blown up! Not that Meryl Streep-type crying shit!

Camera guy: I'm gonna ,ose my job for this...

Deadpool: Good! You're nothing but a piece of grade-A donkey shit! I prefer someone like that hot black haired MILF on "Bold and the Beautiful" or Ed O'Neill himself. They can work the camera like you do your own hand! Go clean yourself up, you semen-flinging bastard._  
><em>

_(The camera guy leaves.)_

Deadpool: Now as I was saying-

(His voice gets cut off by the computer voice.)

Computer voice: _Deadpool, number 035._

Chorus: _Lowered expectations..._

* * *

><p>Captain America: Captain America here, telling you that "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back! Don't you miss it.<p>

(Captain America flings the shield at the camera.)

**Justin: Justin here once again, and I'm giving you a choice on which characters you want me and Geoff to do? You want us to do:**

Cheech and Chong

Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson

Liu Kang and Kung Lao

**Please vote on your favorite and see what comes next chapter! Oh, and leave a review while you're at it. Later!**


	12. Waylon and Willie's Lost Concert

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated M for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: I'd figured I do something different...The song lyrics are changed to something so dirty!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Willie and Waylon's Missing Concert<strong>

Heather: Hi, I'm Heather. You may know me as the Queen Bee from the well-renouned Total Drama series, and the co-star of The Justin Show. For all of you Country fans, you may be familiar with two of the legends of Country music, Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson. Their dynamic duo led Outlaw country on the map. Songs such like "Good Hearted Woman", "Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys", and the unforgettable "Luckenbach, Texas", have already been added to their legendary resume. But what you didn't know about Waylon and Willie, is this tape right here. And shown is their lost concert footage shown in 1980. This happened in their last concert together. Check it out and see what I mean.

**1980; At a concert in Walhalla...**

Waylon Jennings (Justin): Hi, everyone. I'm Waylon.

Willie Nelson (Geoff): And I'm Willie! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Waylon checks Willie and sees that his eyes are bulged out.)

Waylon Jennings (Justin): Man, have you been on PCP?

Willie Nelson (Geoff) And weed! Don't forget weed!

Waylon Jennings (Justin): Maybe you forgot your pants...

Willie Nelson (Geoff): What the-? (Notices that he isn't wearing pants.) Ah, screw it. This is for you, Cleveland!

Cleveland: Hi, Willie!

Waylon Jennings (Justin): Dude, we're in Walhalla.

Willie Nelson (Geoff): Same here too!

Waylon Jennings (Justin): Forget it...let's just sing. (silently) Pothead...

("Good Hearted Woman" plays.)

Justin and Geoff:  
><em>She's a pot smoking monkey in love with a d**k-sucking man<em>  
><em> She blows him in spite of his ways that she don't understand<em>  
><em> Through screeches and burnouts, they'll pass through this world hand-in-hand,<em>  
><em> A pot smoking monkey loving her d**k-sucking man<em>

Fan: Hey, that ain't the lyrics to "Good-Hearted Woman"!

Waylon Jennings (Justin): Go blow your mother.

Willie Nelson (Geoff): Ohhhh! Burn!

(The fan leaves angrily.)

Waylon Jennings (Justin): Hey, they love us already!

Willie Nelson (Geoff): This combination of angel dust and weed is working on your favor. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Waylon Jennings (Justin): Let's do another song everybody!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

("Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys" plays.)

Justin and Geoff:  
><em>Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be assh**es<em>  
><em> Don't let 'em pick hineys or shit them old trucks<em>  
><em> Let 'em be pornstars and hookers and such<em>  
><em> Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be assh**es<em>  
><em> 'Cause they'll always fuck ho's and they're always alone<em>  
><em> Even masturbate they love<em>

(Crowd applauses, except one man who is offended.)

Man: That ain't the lyrics to Mammas Dont Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys!"

Willie Nelson (Geoff): Yeah, and I'd bet your son grew up to be a Jehovah's Witness laced up on mary jane and hyacinth! Who's the lameass now?

(Man realizes the mistake that he's made.)

Man: Oh, no!

(The man leaves. The crowd cheers.)

Waylon Jennings (Justin): Okay, who here wants to hear "Luckenbach, Texas"?

(The crowd cheers loudly.)

Willie Nelson (Geoff): This one's for you, Chicago!

Waylon Jennings (Justin) We're in Walhalla, I told you that!

Willie Nelson (Geoff): But I already ate.

Waylon Jennings (Justin): Never mind! Let's do this...

("Luckenbach, Texas" plays.)

Waylon Jennings (Justin):  
><em>There only two things in life that make it worth fuckin'<em>  
><em> Is sex toys that tune good and boob feelin' women<em>  
><em> I don't need my name in the marquis lights<em>  
><em> I got my chick and I got weed with me tonight<em>  
><em> Maybe it's time we just fuck to the basics of love<em>

Waylon and Willie (Justin and Geoff):  
><em>Let's go to Fuckithard, Texas with Waylon and Willie and the boys<em>  
><em> This painful pot we're livin' got us smoking<em>  
><em> Like the Hatfields and McCoys<em>  
><em> Between Cheech and Chong's pot songs, and Hugh Hefner's pill songs<em>  
><em> And blue pills cryin' in the rain out in Fuckithard, Texas <em>  
><em> There ain't nobody feelin' no pain<em>

(The crowd realizes that Waylon and Willie are drugged, and they're singing incoherently with their underwear on.)

Man 2: What the heck's wrong with them? This isn't a concert.

Man 3: Must've had those special brownies I sent them...

(Waylon and Willie's eyes are now bulged.)

Waylon Jennings (Justin): Aaah. Aaah! Aah! Aah...ahhh!

Willie Nelson (Geoff): Ugh! Ugh, ugh, ugh! Uggga ugga uh! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Waylon and Willie pass out and everyone leaves.)

Willie Nelson (Geoff): Thank you, Allentown...

Waylon Jennings (Justin): We're in...Walhalla!

Willie Nelson (Geoff): Uh...who are you again? I don't wanna take a shit in a brickhouse...

(They pass out again.

(Back to the black room.)

Heather: And they never performed again. Waylon went own to do the "Dukes of Hazzard" theme song and score many hits by himself. Willie, on the other hand...is still a doper. Still will be when he was born, and when he dies. I'm Heather, thanks for watching, and get fucked hard.

(Heather leaves.)

* * *

><p>Man: Hi, I'm the man who plays "Man" on that skit you just saw saying that "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back.<em> WOOOOOOOOOOO!<em>

**Justin: Justin here once again! And Harold's brilliant uncle will be back for his round of classic interviews of famous rock bands! Do you want him to interview:**

AC/DC

Van Halen

Aerosmith

**Choose your picks wisely and see what happens in the next chapter! Get hard!**_  
><em>


	13. Harold the III interviews Aerosmith

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated T for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: Took me a while, but the wait was worth it!**

* * *

><p><strong>Harold McGrady's Interview with Aerosmith<br>**

(Scene opens as Harold is reading a book in the fireplace, after that, his face turns to the camera.)

Harold: (with english accent) Hello, my name is Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V, and welcome to Classic Interview Hour. This is the show where my generations of my family interview all people of all sizes. My uncle, Harold the III, interviews your favorite musicians and groups, with archived footage from the 70's and the 80's. Our next band you may already know is from the badstreets of Boston, Mass. Their 1975 album "Toys In The Attic" is widely considered a classic in the rock era. They stood strong in the 80s with hits like "Angel", "Rag Doll", and "Love In An Elevator", and in the 90's, they won millions of fans worldwide. They lived through 4 decades, and they are currently entering their 5th decade. They are Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Brad Whitford, Tom Hamilton, and Joey Kramer. But you may know them well...as Aerosmith. My uncle interviewed them in 1979, after they had recorded their 1979 album, "Night In The Ruts". But this turned out something less exciting...Enjoy, GOSH!

**1979**

Harold the III: So, Joe Perry...how's your wife?

Joe Perry (Trent): Laced on cocaine and pixie dust, what's it to you?

Harold III: Nothing. You sound like you're not a very happy camper. Anything personal?

Joe Perry (Trent): It's that damn Tyler. He left something stuffed in his pants.

(Joe Perry [Trent] holds up a cucumber.)

Harold III: What in the bloody hell is that smell?

Joe Perry (Trent): A combination of marijuana and cherry pits. It's coming from this thing right here where Steven stuffs it inside his pants on stage. Now I can't use the fucking thing anymore, because I was gonna use it for cucumber salad. That prick!

Harold III: I'm thinking you are really pissed. Where's the rest of the members of your band.

Joe Perry (Trent): Like I really could give a flying damn what you think!

Harold III: I'm gonna say wasted on boomshine...Anyway Joe, is it true that after one of your concerts...he seemed to have urinated on a milk carton?

Joe Perry (Trent): Excuse me...(Barfs on a basket, wipes his mouth)...that's the last time I will ever eat cereal again. As you know-

(Steven Tyler appears drunk, except that it's Justin dressed like him. He is stinking drunk)

Steven Tyler (Justin): Hey, man! Am I too late for the interview? (Sees Harold) Hey man, you ain't Barbara Walters? What happened, the sex change do you wrong?

Joe Perry (Trent): Well, speak of the idiot. You're just in time...

Steven Tyler (Justin): No man, I already went. That pee stream never seems to hit the toilet for some reason.

Joe Perry (Trent): That's because you peed on my wife!

Steven Tyler (Justin): Huh, no kidding why those flushes sound like girl screams...

Joe Perry (Trent) I'm getting a little sick and tired of your shit. Either go to rehab or get a life. It's one or the other.

Harold III: Uh, guys...

Steven Tyler (Justin): Why do I need rehab? I'm fine just the way that I am...just like your wife was when she's satisfied!

Harold III: Ouch...

Joe Perry (Trent): You slept with my wife!

Steven Tyler (Justin): Just like what I was doing to that milk. I think I know how to "curdle the cream", if you get my point.

(Joe Perry [Trent] then turns to Harold.)

Joe Perry (Trent): Excuse me, please... (Joe barfs in the basket again, then turns to Steven)

Steven Tyler (Justin): You totally fell for it, man...

Joe Perry (Trent): You know what? Keep my pee-stained wife and your cum-flavored milk...cause I quit!

Steven Tyler (Justin): Hey man...you can't leave. You're the centerpiece of the band!

Joe Perry (Trent): Well, you just lost! And besides, whenever you're asleep, I used the rest of that angel dust to write "I'm a pig-fucker and Atheists support me" on your brand-new car. Yep, I did just that!

(Joe Perry [Trent] leaves. The room stays silent.)

Harold III: So, um...is that milk really safe to drink now?

Steven Tyler (Justin) Sure, man. Help yourself. JAKAKAKAKA-YOOOOOOOW!

Harold III: Thanks...I've been dying of thirst.

(Harold III drinks the cum-like milk.)

Harold III: Well, that was interesting...excuse me.

(Harold the III barfs on the basket that Trent or Joe Perry barfed as well.)

Steven Tyler (Justin): Awww, dude! You totally fell for it.

Harold III: Needs more sugar...

* * *

><p>Harold: And that's the real reason my uncle broke up Aerosmith. Hey, stay tuned, "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back! Don't miss it!<p>

**Justin: Justin here once again! Next chapter, you get to choose which characters you want me and Heather to portray. Do you want us to play as:**

James Bond and a Bond girl

Reggie Mantle and Veronica Lodge (Archie)

Fez and Jackie Burkhart (That 70's Show)

**Give us your reviews/votes and see what comes up next chapter! Until then, later!**


	14. 007's One Night Stand

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated M for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the James Bond series...or Total Drama...or anything in between. The Bond Girl that Heather will be is Wai Lin from the James Bond classic "Tomorrow Never Dies". This is a love scene, which I love doing than the other dangerous missions James Bond does in his spare time...  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>007's One Night Stand<strong>

(The scene opens as James Bond [who is actually Justin] is making out with Wai Lin [who is actually Heather] upon a fireplace in James Bond's private condo. They are having sex beneath the covers. James Bond [Justin] is kissing Wai Lin's [Heather] neck.)

Wai Lin (Heather): Oh, James...

James Bond (Justin): That's right, love. Say my name...I wanna make you feel dirty.

Wai Lin (Heather): Come on...right there.

(James soon goes under the covers and goes down on Wai Lin.)

James Bond (Justin): [makes slurping sounds]

Wai Lin (Heather): Oh...James! That's go good! OHHHHHHHHH!

(Wai Lin [Heather] grabs the sheets of the bed for restraint, but a doorbell rings.)

James Bond (Justin) Ignore it, love...they'll go away.

(Door knocks twice.)

Voice (O.S.): Room service!

Wai Lin (Heather): Ohhh! I'm cumming! I'm cumming!

Voice (O.S.): Okay, take your time. I'll wait.

James Bond (Justin): Already! You cant come already!

Wai Lin (Heather): Oh, but James...I always "cum" through...

James Bond (Justin): No kidding...(sighs) All right...I'll be back.

(James Bond [Justin] puts on his robe on and gets the door. There seems to be a frenchman holding a tray of their 5-star dessert, but what they don't know is that there is a bomb under there.)

Evil Frenchman: There you go...compliments of the house.

James Bond (Justin): What the hell happened to one of my waiters?

Evil Frenchman: He's a little "tied up" at the minute. So, I am his replacement. Enjoy your dessert. Oui!

(James Bond [Justin] closes the door behind him.)

Wai Lin (Heather): Who was that?

James Bond (Justin): I don't know...but there seems to be whipped cream and strawberries.

Wai Lin (Heather): Mmmmm...my favorite...please cream me, James...

James Bond (Justin): Ohh...and that I will...(laughing sinfully and making out)

(Meanwhile, the evil Frenchman is holding his fingers to his ears. The door suddenly opens and the tray is seen rolling out of the room.)

James Bond (Justin): Thanks for the dessert, keep the tray!

(The evil Frenchman notices that the bomb is still attached under the tray. In panic, the evil Frenchman throws the bomb out of the window far away. The bomb then lands on Peggy Bundy's lap in the Married...With Children world. She is watching Oprah at the time.)

Peggy Bundy: (noticing the bomb) Whoa...a huge bonbon. But why is it sparkling? (The fuse is about to go off.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(The bomb explodes and so does Peggy. As soon as Al comes home, he notices that Peggy's hair is what's left of her.)

Al Bundy: I'm home! Peg? (Sees Peg's hair.) Oh my god, Peg!

(Bud and Kelly come down and sees Al holding was left of Peg.)

Bud Bundy: Oh my goodness, Mom's dead!

Kelly Bundy: Oh no...Mom's gone...

Al Bundy: Yeah...(turns happy)...we're free! The wife's dead! Thank god almighty, we are free at last!

Bud Bundy: Let us walk into the sunset! The nightmare's over!

Kelly Bundy: But I hate the sun...it burns my eyes...Let's go!

(Al, Bud, Kelly and Buck walk outside and into the sunset while soft music plays. They are holding hands as well.)

* * *

><p>(Meanwhile, James Bond [Justin] is moaning while Wai Lin [is going down] on him.)<p>

James Bond (Justin): Oh, Wai Lin...ohhh...that's the spot...

Wai Lin (Heather): [suckling noises are heard from her]

(A door knocks. It happens to be Peter Griffin from Family Guy dressed as a hotel housekeeper.)

Peter Griffin (O.S.): Housekeeping? Housekeeping?

James Bond (Justin): Come back later please.

Peter (O.S.): Housekeeping?

James Bond (Justin): Not now.

Peter Griffin (O.S., angrily): House...keeping?

James Bond (Justin): Go away!

Peter (O.S.): I come in anyway?

James Bond (Justin): No, go away!

Peter (O.S.): I come in anyway.

(Peter Griffin comes in as James Bond [Justin] and Wai Lin [Heather] are startled to death. Wai Lin has seemed to have 'whipped cream' in her mouth from James Bond's 'you-know-what'.)

Wai Lin (Heather): Oh my god!

James Bond (Justin): I said 'no'!

Peter: Okay, I clean?

James Bond (Justin): No, get outta here!

Peter: I clean now?

James Bond (Justin): No!

Peter: I stay and watch?

James Bond (Justin): No!

Peter: I get involved?

James Bond (Justin): What?

Peter: I get involved with lady?

James Bond (Justin): Wh- [to Wai Lin] What do you think?

Wai Lin (Heather): Turn around.

(Peter turns around. Wai Lin is not impressed.)

Wai Lin (Heather): I don't think so...

Peter: Okay. You lend me money?

James Bond (Justin): No!

Peter: You drive my grandmother to doctor's appointment?

James Bond (Justin): No, no, I'm not doing that.

Peter: I stick finger in your mouth?

(Silence.)

Peter: Housekeeping?

James Bond (Justin): Okay...

Peter: Okay. (Folds James Bond's pants.)

James Bond (Justin): Uhh...serves me right for not trying to get laid...wonder if "M" had something to do with this, that bastard...

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, at M's Headquarters...<p>

M (Eva): [shouting] What in the hell do you mean I couldn't get a better housekeeper than that? That was nothing than a 300-pound piece of shit that walks in my way every sunday brunch! Tell that housekeeper that James needs to be on his mission and not fucking some asian hooker from "Full Metal Jacket" in the ass!

(mumbling noises are heard on the phone.)

M (Eva): Oh, she's an agent... Figures that I mistake her for a slut...all right, just tell James to get here...and that "whipped cream" better be fresh and not full of vagina as well!

(Hangs up)

M (Eva): Serves me right for letting 007 have Coochie Pie...

(James Bond closing theme song plays.)

* * *

><p>James Bond: The names Bond...James Bond. "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" comes back after the break. Don't miss it...<p>

(Shoots the camera, in which it drips down blood.)

**Geoff: Geoff here to asking you what kind of game show you want to see next? Do you wanna see...**

Jeopardy

American Gladiators

Let's Make A Deal

**Remember, send us your reviews/votes, and see which game show comes in the next chapter! See ya! WOOOOOOOOOOO!**


	15. American Gladiators, Justin's Version

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated M for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything American Gladiators. Just sayin'.**

* * *

><p><strong>American Gladiators, Justin's Version<strong>

(Trumpet, gladiator music is heard**.)**

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): Hello and welcome back to the American Gladiators! I'm Mike Adamle as always and sitting next to me is Larry Csonka. Larry, what up?

Larry Csonka (Owen): I got hemorroids!

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): Thanks for that disturbing image, Csonka. Okay, it has been a barnburner and it comes down to this, The Eliminator! Larry, please explain the rules.

Larry Csonka (Owen): Gladly, first you run up to the moving escalator thingy, and then there go the handbikes, after that are the huge rolling pins which look like two huge honkin' pieces of shit colored in red and blue. Then they go yp the ladder...next goes the zipline...then they land on the huge pad...and after that...they must climb up two large hills that look like fat cakes...and then the two gladiators try to stop them as they roll two...(falls asleep.)

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): I see the weed really burned him out...and after all the boulder rolling...they must cross the finish line. So far, the two contestants...in the red, from Trent Guitarman from Cleveland, Ohio who's in the lead with 40 points. Here's his thoughts leading up to this event.

Trent: I've been waiting for this a long time! The eliminator! No guts, no glory hole! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm pumped up!

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): And in the blue...its Charlie "Warlock" Sheen with 5 points, here are his thoughts.

Charlie Sheen: This feels like a palace of window breakers who come with methane shotguns who will rule the warlock galaxy with me. I shall reign victorious and I shall watch "Victorious". WINNING!

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): And Trent will have a 15 minute head start. Now we're ready. Larry, you ready?

Larry Csonka (Owen): ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): What a pothead.

(Trent and Charlie Sheen stance.)

Referee: Ready? (Whistle blows)

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): Here they go.

(Trent's escalator moves too fast.)

Trent: (desperately trying to run) Oh, what the fuck!

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): Look at Trent's feet, It's faster than lightning itself!

Larry Csonka (Owen): Really, then why isn't Trent moving as fast as it used to be.

(Trent trips and lands on his face, sending him down the escalator. Charlie walks up the escalator easily.)

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): Look at that, Charlie made it easily!

Trent: Oh, come on! This is rigged!

(Trent tries to run up again, but fails falling flat on his face again. Meanwhile Charlie Sheen sees the handbikes.)

Charlie Sheen: Hmm...handbikes. Like metallic penises. But I'm not gay. Oh, well...

(Charlie Sheen rides the handbikes. Trent finally goes up the escalator.)

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): Well, that was excruciating...

(Charlie Sheen sees the rolling pins. Both Lace [Bridgette], Ice [Heather] and Blaze [LeShawna] are awaiting him with battering rams.)

Charlie Sheen: Well, what do you know...looks like Alan's shit...

(Charlie Sheen walks on the rolling pins. The female gladiators try to throw the battering rams into Charlie, but shockingly Charlie pulls them away.)

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): Amazing, Charlie just pushed them away!

(Trent finally reaches the handbikes, he makes it. He then approaches the female gladiators who's got their battering rams back.)

Trent: This is gonna be way too easy.

(As soon as Trent crosses, one of the battering rams, mainly from Blaze [LeShawna] knocks him down and his face lands on the edge of the mat.)

Larry Csonka (Owen): OUCH! That hurt worse than a kick to the shithole!

(Charlie makes it up all the way to the ladder.)

Charlie Sheen: Ah, there we go...the zipline...just like me entering a girl's yahooey at suppertime.

(Charlie Sheen makes it all the way down, while Trent has now just started climbing up the ladder.)

Trent: (Sees Charlie go down) Aw, come on! He's been walking the whole time!

(Charlie gets off the mat.)

Charlie: Ahhh...the walls. two of them I really wanna break just like Oprah's vajayjay.

Charlie climbs up the walls slowly while Trent goes down in the zipline.)

Trent: Oh, Fuck! I gotta catch him up!

(Charlie then sees the two male gladiators Nitro [Justin], Gemini [D.J.] and Thunder [Geoff] with boulders.)

Charlie: Do your worst, my anti-crystal meth balloon fuckers. WINNING!

(The male gladiators throw their boulders at Charlie Sheen, but shockingly...Charlie breaks both boulders.)

Larry Csonka (Owen): Son of a pussy-banger! He just destroyed those boulders with his fire-breathing fists!

(Trent gets over the walls and sees the male gladiators await him with replacement boulders.)

Trent: I gotta get past them...

(Amazingly, Trent gets past them, but as soon as he gets over...he trips on his face again.)

Trent: Oh..shit-(thud)!

(Charlie walks over the finish line, winning.)

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): Charlie Sheen has conquered the Eliminator!

(Trent drags himself to the finish line, crying.)

Larry Csonka (Owen): Charlie Sheen, this has got to be the greatest day of your life! Any words to the fans?

Charlie Sheen: Always eat shoe tobacco and elect for drunk uncles! WINNING!

Larry Csonka (Owen): Trent, what about you? You have got to be disappointed.

Trent: (angrily) F**k you, Csonka! You and your gay-ass mustache can go get a room, you gay fatty!

Larry Csonka (Owen): Fair enough. Back to you Mike!

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): Indeed, and that wraps up for another episode for "American Gladiators"! For Larry Csonka, I'm Mike Adamle saying...yay for "Smoky Shoes"...for the nicotine-eating jogger!

(Eats the shoe tobacco.)

Mike Adamle (Chris McLean): I get paid to eat this because Lung Cancer's for squares! HAHAAHAHA!

* * *

><p>Nitro: Hi, I'm the real American Gladiator, Nitro saying, "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back! Don't miss it.<p>

**Justin: Justin here again saying, Don't do drugs or smoke! Unless you're Charlie Sheen, then it's perfectly okay! All right, which celebrity do you want me to portray next? Do you want me to be as:**

John Walsh (America's Most Wanted)

Tom Bergeron (America's Funniest Home Videos)

Dick Clark (Bloopers)

**Send us your reviews/votes and see what comes in the next chapter! Later until then!**


	16. Lowered Expectatons: Tom Bergeron

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated M for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: I felt like it's commercial time...**

* * *

><p><strong>Lowered Expectations: Tom Bergeron<strong>

(tender music plays)

Chorus: _Lowered expectations..._

Computer voice: _Tom Bergeron, number 049._

Tom Bergeron (Justin): Hello and welcome to my dating story! I'm Tom Bergeron, and for the next 2 and a half minutes I will tell you about my qualities in a woman. I prefer-[cell phone rings] Hold on, let me get it...Hello?

(Mumbling noises are coming from the phone.)

Tom Bergeron (Justin): WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M FUCKING AUDITED! I'VE BEEN PAYING THOSE DAMN TAXES YOU TOLD ME! NO, MY NAME'S NOT TIM BEERNUTS! MY NAME'S TOM FUCKING BERGERON! I HOSTED "DANCING WITH THE WHORES" AND "AMERICA'S RETARDED HOME VIDEOS"! DON'T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE, YOU...(softly) What's your name again? (writes down a piece of paper) Pat...Sajak...(back to the phone) GOTCHA! (hangs up).

Camera guy: You're still on.

Tom Bergeron (Justin): Anyway, ladies, I want everyone to know that I'm less strict when it comes to strict, I make my own family cook for me, and I let everyone see my grandpa crap on dumpsters. We don't have a toilet. But if you- [cell phone rings] Hold on again...Hello?

(Mumbling noises are heard again.)

Tom Bergeron (Justin): WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE CAN'T DO THE JOKE! MY GRANDPA'S DEAD! WHY DIDN'T NO FLOOZY OF MINE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS A FEW MONTHS AGO? SURE, BACK THEN MY GRANDPA KNEW A THING OR TWO ON HOW TO HUSTLE AND FLOW, BUT WHO IN THE HELL DIES ON A CHOKED SAUSAGE? (softly) Oh, he's gay? (silent) Well, good for him! I'm glad that old bastard's dead! Showing me how to be gay! I'm straight as a fist going upside his face! Tell him that when he's in Hell! Ha!

Camera guy: We're on camera once again...

Tom Bergeron (Justin): Anyway, women. I'm free to mingle and I'm free to single because I have the biggest well-known dick that everybody can-[cell rings] Hold on one minute...Yeah!

(Mumbling noises are heard once again.)

Tom Bergeron (Justin): Yeah, my fridge is running why? [long pause] YOU SHITTY-ASS KIDS! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK LIKE THAT TO ME! I WILL GET ON YOUR PARENTS ASSES LIKE THE FUCKING MOUNTAIN TICK I AM! WHEN I BITE, YOU BLEED LIKE THE URINARY TRACT ITSELF! HOW DO YOU THINK WHEN YOUR LIFE IS GONNA BE LIKE WHEN YOU'RE OVER 50 AND YOU HAVE BLOODY PISS ALL OVER THE WOMB THAT YOUR GONORRHEA-INFESTED DAD MADE? SCREW YOU KIDS AND SCREW YOUR MOTHER LIKE YOUR DADDY DOES! [hangs up angrily] Dumbass kids...

Camera guy: Um, Tom, I'm afraid ti-

Tom Bergeron (Justin): Okay, now more about me, I'm-

(His voice gets cut off by the computer voice just like Deadpool did.)

Computer voice: _Tom Bergeron, number 49._

Chorus: _Lowered expectations..._

* * *

><p>Al Bundy: Sup, Al Bundy here! "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back after these messages! Let's rock!<p>

**Justin: FANMAIL TIME is back again! Here's how you can send your letter:**

_**Dear (Justin, Heather, Geoff, Bridgette, D.J., Owen, Eva, LeShawna, Cody, Harold, Blaineley),**_

_**(Question included)**_

**_Sincerely, (your name)_**

Justin: Just like that.****

LeShawna: You gonna keep showing that?****

Justin: You gonna lift your butt like anyone else?

(LeShawna is offended as Michael Kelso appears out of nowhere.)

Kelso (pointing at LeShawna): BURN!

**Send us those letters and see what happens next chapter! Later!**


	17. FAN MAIL TIME ONCE AGAIN!

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated T for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: It doesn't matter what you think! Actually, I decided in this chapter, that Justin should play his favorite alter-ego, The Justin. The Rock would be proud. And don't worry, he doesn't mean what he says about the fanmailers being jabronis.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>The Justin: Finally...the Justin, has come back for one thing only...and that's...<p>

Heavy Metal voice: FAN MAIL TIME!

The Justin: Now I know what you're thinking, where's Justin's at? You see, Justin held back a little at the bathroom. So taking his place will be Justin's alter ego, The Justin. If ya smell...what the Justin...is cookin'! What kind of thing are we gonna see on fanmail time? Here it is.

(The Justin is pointing at the video screen)

The Justin: You see that screen there? I don't have time to get out letters, because The Justin decided to do it his own way instead of those Candyass Jabronis who are too lazy eating Cheese Damn Doodles and drinking a case of Shut Up juice! So that in mind, let's see the first jabroni's letter. It's from this jabroni names Kyrogue23 writing:

_Dear Justin,_

On the next Make Alejandro Pay make him go toe to toe with Shao Kahn from Mortal Kombat. First make him think he is about to fight Harold and then surprise him with Shao Kahn pops up.

Sincerely Your favorite fan, Kyrogue23

P.S. Winning

The Justin: Well, what could Justin say? What could Justin say to Cornholio's favorite little nard that is Alejandro? The Justin wouldn't matter...because Alejandro would get hammered real hard like Andy Dick and that gay roodypoo from Archie! Believe me, he would accept! Okay, send The Justin an other letter, ya jabroni!

(Another letter is shown on the video screen.)

The Justin: This one is for the huge scared little candyass known as D.J. and this girl writes:

_DJ,_

_ Are you still a virgin...or if not..do u realize Mama DJ will be angry?_

The Justin: You see, D.J. would answer, but he couldn't on the fact that he's already eating pie at this moment. You see, his momma wouldn't mind his little boy being the luckiest son of a bitch that ever walked out of his momma's womb. What kind of pie, huh? Well, as you know...the pie D.J.'s eating at this moment...happens to be The Justin's favorite kind of pie...he's not telling you what kind of pie...because that...it's proof enough.

Audience member: It's Poontang!

The Justin: Shut your bitchass up! This is a family show, you candyass! Send The Justin the next letter!

(Another letter is shown.)

The Justin: This one's to Harold and this jabroni writes...

_Dear Harold, _

_ Just how many of Steve's camps have you attended and where on earth did you learn how to beatbox?_

_ Sincerely, Robin Dakradle_

Harold: Well, Robin, I-

The Justin: It doesn't matter what you think! Let The Justin handle this. (to Camera) Well, Robin, you hot sexy mama...it's nine. Nine altogether. Why nine? Well, it was 8 before Harold joined...The Archie club. It's all about a skinny-ass white ginger kid who's in love with two hot mamas. Well it was like that, except...a special Archie comic came out. It was called "Archie Meets...The Great One." It's about The Justin coming to Riverdale where he lays the Smackdown on that Ginger-headed moron Archie, while The Justin takes Jughead's hat, rolling it up into a ball and sticking it straight up his candyass! And along with his dog Hot Dog with it too. That way both Jughead and Archie can learn the exact meaning "dropping a deuce"! And then by all means, Veronica starts blowing Reggie like a hot little mama does a blow-pop and Betty gets served The People's Strudel, The People's Poontang Pie, The People's Lollipop, and the People's All-around-the world courtesy of The Justin!

(The crowd cheers.)

The Justin: That good? Okay, next letter for The Justin!

(Another letter is shown.)

The Justin: This one's for to the Shawn Michaels imitator known as Geoff and this another hot mama writes...

_Dear Geoff, _

_ What was the sickest party you've ever been to and why?_

_ Sincerely, Jackee Warner_

The Justin: Jackee...Geoff would answer that, but to the fans and The Justin's request...the only parties that Geoff only goes to is when the Justin starts kicking some grade-A, high performance candyass on whoever Geoff attends. That way, me and Geoff can go cruising the world for chicks and leaving trouble behind for those who stands in our way. Unlike John Cena, who in my opinion, will get ass kicked at Wrestlemania XXVIII courtesy of The Rock! Yeah, me and Geoff will be there, and when we do...we'll be chanting one name...

Crowd: ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!

The Justin: Okay, give The Justin the next letter...

(Another letter is shown.)

The Justin: This one's fro the Total Drama men in the backstage and once again, this hot little mama writes:

_Dear Every TD Guy,_

_ Who do you think is the hottest girl on the show (I recall Geoff saying it was Heather in TDA)?_

_ Sincerely, Chyna Dawl_

The Justin: Now this is what I'm talking about! You see, The Justin knows who that is. It either comes to Bridgette and Heather. You see, everyone from The Justin to Geoff to Owen to D.J. knows who should exactly win. We should build a ring full of chocolate pudding. The People's...Chocolate Pudding! Yeah, The Justin would be the referee...and it doesn't matter who would win. The only victor in this catfight...is the people. The People can only decide who's hot: Bridgette...or Heather. All and all, bring The Justin another letter, you monkeyasses at the back!

(Another letter is shown.)

The Justin: It's for Eva, made by this Jabroni and he writes...

_Dear Eva, _

_ Can you demonstrate the largest amount of weight that you can lift right now?_

_ Sincerely, Austin Crimson_

The Rock: Luckily, for everyone. Eva actually had the balls to actually come out and show. Eva, a demonstration please?

Eva: Happy too.

(Eva demonstrates as she lifts only 5,000 ton weights, but then is cut off by The Justin.)

The Justin: Okay, that's enough.

Eva: (angrily) YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY POT DEALER!

The Justin: Threats don't frighten me, you Frida-smelling monkeyass!

(Another letter is shown.)

The Justin: Okay, this next letter is for Justin, and he writes:

_Dear Justin,_

_ Okay, wild shot in the dark here, just curious. Why is it the writer of this fan fic makes you like some holy god or whatever. I mean, making fun of Alejandro, that I can understand, he's a d*uce, just that you being made out to be the world's greatest person... Just you know, what the f*ck man? Can you answer that in any form of way?_

_Sincerely, Another Dead Hero_

The Justin: What in the blue hell is that? Okay, The Justin can answer that for him. It's because the writer of this fanfic...just plain hates him. He knew that Justin should have been the better bad guy, he knew that Justin should be the one that should be with Heather, but no_. _This writer knew that the creators of Total Drama World Tour, didn't see it that way. So what do they do? They give Heather's heart to that grade A Spanish Monkey Crap that shall be known as Douchebaglandro. But The Justin knew that, he knew someday that Heather was gonna steal Douchebaglandro's heart alright. She whooped that Candyass of a heart and smashed it like a candyass jabroni on pixie dust! Okay, enough about that, send The Justin another letter!

(Another letter is shown.)

The Justin: This letter comes is for Justin and this jabroni writes...

_Dear Justin_

_ I have some friends who are Al-Heather fans. Should I still be friends with them or not?_

_ Bryan "The Bry" Evans_

The Justin: Well, I tell you something. That is a big no. And The Justin will tell you why. It's because they go to a douchebag high school where they majored in Douchebaganomics, where Alejandro is worshipped as the Messiah of Douchebaganism_. _If those friends of yours that really like AleHeather so damn much, they could just join him alongside a Mesopotamian cocaine dealer and a steroid-induced chimp in the Douchebag Glee Club, where they'll be performing "Elvira" by The Oak Ridge Boys on PCP! If only if we can keep Heather out of the club, which The Justin will do later on. I say, no on the friends. next letter!

(Another letter is shown.)

The Justin: Well, call The Justin a red-blooded wildebeest, this letter is from Jonesy Garcia of 6teen, and he writes...

_Dear Justin,_

_ Could I join the next edition of "Make Alejandro Pay"? I want to make that bufón pay for stealing my gimmick._

_ Sincerely, Jonesy Garcia (6teen)_

The Justin: Oh, sure. I'll tell Justin that. The difference is between Jonesy and Alejandro is different. Both are rude, annoying, but at least the people actually like Jonesy. Oh, but when it's all about Alejandro...oh, The Justin's know what he's gonna do to Alejandro. He's gonna take that crappy-little soulpatch of his, rip it off like a Bobbitt, and take his necklace which looks like a penis-shaped rocketship turned upside down, lube that sucker up...turn that sumbitch sideways...and stick it straight up his candy ass!

(The crowd cheers.))

The Justin: Bring the Justin another letter.

(Nothing happens on the video screen.)

The Justin: Is that it? Oh, well. It doesn't matter. If ya smell...what the Justin...is cookin'!

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, backstage...Justin and his friends are burned out as a puff of smoke fills the air of their dressing room. They are facing the camera in a whole 360, "That 70's Show" style.<p>

Justin: (coughing) Oh, man. These brownies are awesome! (laughing) What in the hell were we talking out? A pizza made of boobs? Awesome! HAHAHA...

Heather: You said it. I love chocolate...HAHAHAHA (Heather stuffs cake in her mouth) Wa-la! Haahahaha. I'm starving.

Cody: (Laughs so hard he rarely says a word) You're hungry...hahaha...my mouth hurts...hahahaahahaha...novocaine...

Bridgette: You know what's really weird...I have the biggest hands in the world. They remind me of boxing gloves! "I am...the greatest"!

Geoff: Okay, champ, whatever you-(gets knocked out by Bridgette.)

LeShawna: HAHAHAHA! I got hemorroids. Geoff got knocked the fucked hard! You should have seen your face, it went like: BLAAUUGHHH!

Owen: (has a bag of potato chips) I always loved potato chips. Who knew that salt did a man good? (looks inside the bag like a microscope) Oh, crap. My eye's dead...

D.J.: My eyes aren't normal man...they look like big huge black gumdrops...(D.J. pretends to hear a siren in his head)...Oh, no...world is ending...get my ducky, mommy...I feel hungover without it...urghhhhh...

Justin: Somethin' aint right man. Heather, what in the holy hell did your mom give us inside these brownies?

Heather: (feels queasy) Performance enhancers.

Justin: Oh, shit...that's what it felt like. (stays silent) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Announcer: Remember, everyone watching at home, getting high and hung will make your crap bowels burst. A little service announcement made by friends of "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular", saying we'll be right back. Don't miss it.

J**ustin: Okay fans. My apologies that The Justin couldn't accept some of the letters you gave to him. A sympathy "The Rock" t-shirt will come in your mail alongside a "Reggie Fucked Veronica" pin only for the adults. Everyone similar with the "I Love The..." series. Well, you get to choose which decade we make fun of! You wanna see...**

I Love The 70's

I Love The 80's

I Love The 90's

**Send us those reviews and votes and see what happens in the next chapter! Later!  
><strong>


	18. I Love The 90's, Justin's Version

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated M for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything VH1 has. This is my version of "I Love The..." series.** **The rest of the cast members of "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will voice their opinion of their favorite shit from the 90's.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>I Love the 90s, Justin's Version<strong>

Announcer: This is I Love The 90's and this is 1990-something! You already know the rest. Admit it. This is 1990-Something!

(I Love The 90's theme song plays.)

Theme song: _I Love the 90's!_

**1st Topic: Family Matters**

D.J.: Oh, man! Family Matters was the shit! Whoo-hoo! Urkel is boss!

LeShawna: Yo, "Family Matters" was like "The Cosby Show" mixed with dyslexics! WOOOOOOOOOOO!

Harold: Anyone didn't know this but the original title of the show was "Skinny-ass Black Nerd". But those ass-holes at ABC decided to stick with Family Matters because it sounded a little too PG-ish. Idiots! If they just stuck with "Skinny-ass Black Nerd", it would've been better than "Cheers"! GOSH!

Cody: That Carl Winslow was Fa-at! I wonder what's he hiding in his belly?

Heather: Geez, it was like they put the cop from "Die Hard" and gave him 20 more pounds of plumber's butt! What the fuck?

Charlie Sheen: Steve Urkel is the leader of the goggle-eyed meth warriors that will rule the Chocolate Cocaine universe with his fire-breathing snorts. WINNING!

Geoff: Does Urkel's crotch itch when he hikes up those pants of his? He looks like he got no balls! What a s***-brick!

Justin: This was the reason why nerds never had any testicles. Those suspenders of his rip them apart easily!

**2nd Topic: Mortal Kombat**

Owen: MORTAL...KOMBAT! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FATALITY!

Heather: Mortal Kombat was badass to the bone. I've played the shit out of that. Loo at my eyes (her eyes are flared up). They never worn out before and the fire was just up close!

Camera guy: Um, Heather. Your eyes don't look so good.

Heather: Yeah, but why not? Fiery eyes are for squares you dumbass!

Justin: My favorite move on Mortal Kombat? I know one you haven't heard of. The fatality where Sub-Zero rips out Sonya Blade's spine and penetrates her ass really hard. Everyone loves seeing a dead girl get fucked. Literally.

Geoff: Mortal Kombat was where I lost my virginity literally! If it wasn't for Bridgette down there, I would hardly focus on the game itself. I just blow it all in her face when I lose.

(Geoff feels a little twinge in his face. He looks down.)

Geoff: Bridge, get up. I'm in the middle of an interview.

Bridgette: (gets up, with something in her mouth) Can't it wait, baby?

Geoff: (smiling, but sternly) Yeah, when I say "Blow it all in your face", they ain't lying!

Owen: IT HAS BEGUN! SHANG TEE-SUNG IS MY BITCH! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Camera guy: That's Shang Tsung, fatass...

**3rd Topic: MC Hammer's "U Cant Touch This"**

MC Hammer: _You can't touch this_

D.J.: All right. Love me "U Can't Touch This"! Reminds me of the gay audience who think about me.

LeShawna: I think Hammer's thighs are fat in that video. Looks like something injected some lard inside of those bony legs.

Justin: What's up with the Hammer dance? It's either he's dancing trying to take a shit or he's got a fucking tack in his boot. Either way, the blood's comin' out.

Heather: Everyone may not know this but that dance makes a brilliant exception for dodging land mines. Imagine having to dodge drone guns with moves like that.

Owen: Looks like me when I try to take a shit.

Cody: Stop...Cody time! (Cody tries to dance like Hammer, but lands flat on his face.) Hammer's dancing hurt!

Eva: Sounds like me when I get ham-(gets hit by a medicine ball)

LeShawna: Point taken. The best waiting-to-take-a-shit song ever.

**4th Topic: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace**

Geoff: Seriously? Darth Vader as a midget. What's next Indiana Jones, crackhead?

Bridgette: What an annoyance. No one was much more cocaine-ish than Jar Jar Binks. It's like mixing a leper on hyacinth.

Charlie Sheen: I wouldn't have to do anything with that Anaknanakin Skycrapper or whatever his name is. I was disappointed that they didn't show one boob. DISAPPOINTING.

Heather: I swear, Darth Maul looks like if you took the mascot from those old 7UP commercials (in which it was a red dot with glasses), and just painted him like Sting from Impact Wrestling. They are definitely on acid.

Justin: Really? Why did you kill the guy from "Taken"? Liam Neeson shouldn't have to die in Star Wars! He's a badass! If you starred any movie that shows his daughter or his family taken, I'll watch it full circle. But in a movie where Liam Neeson dies, I leave immediately!

Harold: Screw you, guys! I love the Star Wars series! They are the centerpiece of my life. If I tell ya it's-

Geoff, Bridgette, Heather & Justin: STAR WARS SUCKS!

(They leave.)

Harold: But, guys. Star Wars it's a masterpiece! Why reject something so legend-

Charlie Sheen: Harold...it sucks.

(Charlie Sheen leaves.)

D.J., Owen, Eva & LeShawna: It sucks!

(They leave too. An announcement is heard all over the studio.)

Announcer: Ladies and Gentleman...Star Wars sucks.

Harold: Not you announcer man!

(Cody approaches Harold.)

Harold: Cody, you with me?

(A long pause.)

Cody: Harold...(puts his hand on Harold's shoulders)...Star Wars sucks...WWE is better.

(Cody rips off his Star wars suit and reveals a John Cena T-Shirt.)

Cody: (dissing Harold) You cant see me!

(Cody leaves. The screen now goes blank.)

Harold: Was it something I said?

* * *

><p>I Love The 90's Announcer: Ladies and gentleman, "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back. Don't miss it!<p>

**Justin: This is Justin, once again. Telling you that next chapter will be "Make Alejandro Pay". Joining me will be Jonesy Garcia from 6teen, and you get to choose what we want to do to Alejandro. You want us to...**

Make him fight Shao Kahn on Mortal Kombat

Make him fight CM Punk

Make him fight Chun-Li

**Send me your reviews/votes to see what happens in the next chapter. I'll be waitin'...**


	19. Make Alejandro Pay!

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated M for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: Cult of Personality all the way!**

* * *

><p><strong>Make Alejandro Pay!<strong>

Justin: I feel like a breath of fresh air, because it's time for our all-time favorite segment...

Audience: Make...Alejandro...Pay!

Justin: I bet you're gonna like this...okay, send out Alejandro!

(Alejandro is greeted by boos and is carried to the stage by Eva and LeShawna.)

Audience member: (To Alejandro) Go back to Mexico!

Alejandro: I'm from Barcelona, you idiot!

Justin: Like anyone cares...Okay, here are your clothes.

(Justin hands him wrestling trunks.)

Alejandro: These aren't my clothes!

Justin: They are now. You're wrestlin'!

Alejandro: You can't be serious...

Justin: Oh, really...? Guys in the back, bring out the equipment!

(A group of machine-like Mario's bring out the entire set from the old-school Monday Night RAW. There are the three huge letters "RAW" standing in the doorway. And then, they build the wrestling ring in which Alejandro will compete in.)

Justin: (to Alejandro, smiling) I'm dead serious...

Alejandro: Why you-

* * *

><p>(The camera flips to Alejandro now in the wrestling ring dressed as Alberto Del Rio.)<p>

Alejandro: It's not right. These trunks are giving me jock itch!

Justin: Deal with the writer who does my shows...Okay, Heather...come on out!

(Heather is coming out dressed in a hot announcer's uniform. She is giving hoots and hollers by the male audience. One of the male audience members faints when Heather blows them a kiss. Alejandro is left speechless.)

Alejandro: You...look...CALIENTE! I MUST HAVE YOU!

(Alejandro, acting like a happy little puppy, tries to approach Heather, but he is shocked when he touches her and it sends him flying over the turnbuckle.)

Alejandro: Aw, caaaahm-on! That isn't fair. You screwed me, Justin!

Justin: Much like the time you screwed your own pooch. That's sick...PETA's on your ass, pal. Okay, Heather, introduce the match!

Heather: Gladly. (on Microphone) Ladies and gentleman, this following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Crapsville, Spain...weighing 200-something pounds...30, of the secret fat that he's got hiding from his ass...my soon-to-be brutalized ex-boyfriend...Alecrapo Dead-Donkey!

Alejandro: I'm Alejandro Burromuerto. Get it right, Heather!

Heather: (to Al) No. (on Microphone) And his opponent. From Calgary, Alberta Canada...weighing at a swarmy 144 pounds...Captain Alberta, Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V!

(Harold comes out dressed in his superhero suit as Captain Alberta from Total Drama Action.)

Harold: (imitating Ivan Drago) I will crush you...GOSH!

Alejandro: That's it, I get to fight a white Urkel? Heh, this will be so easy...

Harold: Don't think you can take it easy on me...I've been a Golden Kicks champion ever since-

(An anvil that says 10 tons, drops on Harold, rendering him unconscious.)

Everyone: (looking up angrily) Owen!

Owen: Sorry...up in the ceiling is kinda crappy. We're still making repairs. Continue on...

Justin: Someone get ER, please...

(D.J. and Cody get a stretcher in the back, and they carry Harold on out of there. Only to realize they forgot him. Harold is still left unconscious on the stage.)

Cody: Whoops. (angrily) Damn clown doctors...

(D.J. and Cody throw the mock stretcher away and just carry Harold away.)

Alejandro: That's it? Is that really the best you can do right there? You couldn't find someone much like a paper bag to keep me down...Ha!

Justin: Oh really? Because in times like this, all you need is a bailout. Heather, show Alejandro that "bailout" we need.

Heather: I'd be glad to...(on Microphone) Filling in for Harold...from Chicago, Illinois...weighing 228 pounds...Mr. Cult of Personality himself...C...M...Punk!

(CM Punk comes out with a roaring applause from the fans.)

Alejandro: Oh, come on, Justin! Surely you couldn't find anyone better than that.

Justin: Really, Al? Because I know for a fact...that CM Punk...is better than you...

CM Punk: So you must me Alejandro Burromuerto, Alberto Del Rio's retarded cousin.

Alejandro: I'm not retarded! And Alberto Del Rio is a celebrated hero among millions of Latinos everywhere!

CM Punk: Alberto is nothing but scum who invade our lifestyle. And so are you. You try to deceive those who think they can give you faith. You're nothing but an antichrist in this high society. I think it's about time everyone got sick and tired of your deceitfulness...and I'm the one to do it. Because everyone knows that I'm the "Best in the World".

(Crowd cheers for CM Punk.)

Alejandro: I'll show you who's scum...

(Alejandro tries to attack CM Punk, but he is introduced by CM Punk's foot in his face. The bell rings.)

Justin: Okay, we got a tremendous show. I'm Justin, supermodel rock-star, alongside me is 6teen's own Jonesy Garcia. What a match we got here on "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular."

Jonesy Garcia: I agree, Alejandro got the crap kicked out of him before the bell could even ring! He's like AleDumpwad is the carpet and CM Punk is the muddy boot that kicks his deceiving ass!

Justin: I agree. How will AleDoop-de-loop fare against CM Punk himself?

(CM Punk connects Alejandro with a Shining Wizard/Bulldog combination.)

Justin: Oh, what a combination by Mr. Cult of Personality himself!

Jonesy Garcia: Alejandro got laid like pieces of fruit!

Justin: What? He made 'em rot?

Jonesy Garcia: He had sex with them.

Justin: That sick bastard!

(CM Punk picks up Alejandro in a fireman's carry, and drops Alejandro's entire jaw into his knee, breaking it in two.)

Justin: There it is! Go 2 Sleep!

Jonesy Garcia: Pick this baby in the crack-infested bed. This one is over!

(CM Punk covers Alejandro for a 3-count.)

Referee: 1...2...3!

(Bell rings.)

Heather: Here is your winner! CM Punk!

Justin: What a thrashing! AleWhatsacrap just got manhandled by CM Punk!

Jonesy Garcia: Someone pick up a spatula and scrape up the rest of Alejandro's teeth! He's gonna need a feeding tube just to chew his wounds!

(D.J. and Cody try to pick up Alejandro, but forget him as they used the mock stretcher.)

Justin: Indeed, and it looks like we're gonna take a short break. CM Punk close us out!

CM Punk: "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back! Stick around!

* * *

><p><strong>Justin: What a match that was. CM Punk sticking out the win! Since I feel like wrestling some more...you get to choose which wrestler and legend Owen wants to imitate next: You want him to be as...<strong>

Hulk Hogan

Ultimate Warrior (He's insane!)

Bret "Hitman" Hart

**Send us your reviews/votes and see what happens in the next chapter! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**


	20. Hulk Hogan's Hulkajuice!

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated M for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: I'm a Hulkamaniac all the way!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Hulk Hogan's new Hulk-a-juice!<strong>

("Real American" plays.)

Theme song: _I am a real American...fight for the rights of every man...I am a Real American...fight for what's right...fight for your life!_

Hulk Hogan (Owen): How's it going, Hulkamaniacs? Hulk Hogan here, telling you about my new latest product from Justin Creations. Are you sick and tried of your favorite fitness drink not getting any results from you? Are you tired of the flab that is hidden in that flabby-ass shirt that you own? Well, let me tell you something brother...that flab that you have is no more...because of my new creation, Hulk-a-juice! The new energy drink that turns flab into fab in a matter of seconds! I'll show you!

(Hulk Hogan [Owen] goes to Fat Albert.)

Fat Albert: Hey hey hey, whatcha got there for me?

Hulk Hogan (Owen): Grilled chicken in a can! Your favorite! (He's lying...)

Fat Albert: Really? Hey hey hey...I'll drink some.

(As Fat Albert drinks the "Hulk-a-juice", his fat turns into whole muscle like Hulk Hogan.)

Fat Albert: Hey hey hey...I look like a sexy bitch. Thanks!

Hulk Hogan (Owen): We are all sexy bitches, brother! Let's go to another client!

(Hulk Hogan [Owen] goes to Don Vito of MTV.)

Hulk Hogan (Owen): YO, VITO!

Don Vito: YO! YOUSA HULKA HOGAN! Whatcha gottair?

Hulk Hogan (Owen): Veal Scallopini in a can! (He's lying, again.)

Don Vito: YO! GIMMESA VEAL SCALLOPINI!

(Don Vito drinks the "Hulk-a-juice", his whole fat is turned into flexing muscle. He now sports a 12-pack.)

Don Vito: YO! I'M A SEXIEEBITCH, YOU MOTHER VULCAN HOGAN!

Hulk Hogan: Like I said, we're all sexy bitches, brothers! Another client!

(Hulk Hogan [Owen] goes to Ultimate Warrior, which is actually Owen, in a dual role.)

Hulk Hogan (Owen): Excuse me, Bro-

Ultimate Warrior (Owen): HOOOOOOOOOOAK HOOOOOOOOGAAAAAN! I WILL NEVER DRINK WHAT INFESTS YOU! ONLY I DRINK THE ENERGY THAT IS THE POWER OF THE WARRIORS. BECAUSE OF THE POWER OF THE WARRIORS WILL DO HOGAN'S WIFE ALL NIGHT LONG! THE WARRIORS WILL DO THE BUMP WITH ME, THE WARRIOR BUMP WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL!

Hulk Hogan (Owen): But I just-

Ultimate Warrior (Owen): HOOOOOOOOOOOAK HOOOOOOOOOOGAAAAAN! YOU ARE LIKE THE LAZY SALMON THAT IS CHOPPED AND TURNED INTO SUSHI, WHILE I, THE WARRIOR, AM THE SALMON THAT SWIMS THE RIVERS OF DEATH! AWAITING ALL CHALLENGES THAT RISE ABOVE ME AND WILL RIP OUT EVERY FISHERMAN'S ARM OFF WITH THE POWER AND THE INTENSITY THAT THE WARRIORS GIVE ME! I WILL DO THE SAME TO YOU HOOOOOOOOOOOOAK HOOOOOOOOGAAAAAN!

Hulk Hogan (Owen): But brother, I-

Ultimate Warrior (Owen): RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(Ultimate Warrior chases Hulk Hogan. Back at the studio, Hulk Hogan [Owen] has two black eyes.)

Hulk Hogan (Owen): Never trust a warrior with Mickey Rooney's Crazy Pills...but anyway, call this number right here: 1-800-GOT-HULK to get your daily dose of Hulk-a-juice! Not sold in stores. Very rare. It's also got my face on there, so that my wife Linda and his little blond boy that she hangs around all the time can rot in a sexual predator church for dyslexics! And it's better for breakfast or a nice ride through Grandpa Crack's house, brother! Call right now...and whatcha gonna do, when Hulk-a-juice runs wild through your body, brother?

(As he flexes, two DEA agents bust in and interrupt Hulk Hogan.)

Hulk Hogan (Owen): What are you doing here, brothers? Here for my drink?

DEA Agent 1 (Justin): Yeah right. I'm Justin from the Drug Environment Agency. We have reason to believe that you've drugged Jabba Dust in these drinks of yours. Were here to confiscate immediately.

Hulk Hogan (Owen): You can't do this to me, brother! I'm Hulk Hogan! I'm a 5-time WWE Champion! I beat Andre The Giant at Wrestlemania III! I have complete authority over every single one of you brothers.

DEA Agent 1 (Justin): And Ultimate Warrior took a shit on a Snickers bar. What's your point?

DEA Agent 2 (Heather): It's interesting how you took Jabba The Hutt, made him defectate with those large pieces of tumor-like shit and roll up big, tiny little shitballs so that they disintegrate in your little steroid juice. For shame, Hulk, for shame!

(The 2 DEA agents leave with Hogan's Hulk-a-juice.)

Hulk Hogan (Owen): What about my products. How am I gonna make money in the shape I'm in?

DEA Agent 2 (Heather): Tell it to Vince McMahon...

(Hulk Hogan [Owen] starts to get pissed off.)

Hulk Hogan (Owen): McMAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHON!

* * *

><p>Hulk Hogan: Hey, everyone! I'm the real Hulk Hogan brother, telling you that "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back! Don't you miss it, brother!<p>

**Justin: Justin here once again! In the next chapter, we're gonna go Country! You choose which country band in the 80's you want us to do next! You wanna see us imitate:**

Alabama

The Oak Ridge Boys

The Judds

**Send us your reviews/votes and see who gets chosen next chapter! See ya!**


	21. Alabama's Greatest Hits, RRR!

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated M for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: Don't own this band included right here.**

* * *

><p><strong>Alabama's Greatest Hits Remixed!<br>**

Chris McLean (announcer): Their voices is touched by millions...their presence is unmatched by everyone in the country music atmosphere...their influence is legendary. And now for the first time...America's greatest country group performs their your favorite songs with new and improved lyrics. That's right, from Justin Records (because it has Justin's face on it)...it's Alabama! That's right, it's "Alabama's Greatest Hits! Remixed! Remastered! Redone!" Enjoy your favorite songs such as...Song of the South!

Alabama:  
>Song, song of the south.<br>Sweet poontang pie and I shut my mouth.  
>Gone, gone with the wind.<br>There ain't nobody getting hard again.

Randy Owen (Owen):  
>Penis on the roadside, penis in the bitch.<br>We all picked the penis but we never got rich.  
>Daddy was a pimp, a homie democrat.<br>They oughta get a pimp man to fuck like that. Sing it...

Alabama:  
>Song, song of the south.<br>Sweet poontang pie and I shut my mouth.  
>Gone, gone with the wind.<br>There ain't nobody getting hard again.

Chris McLean: "The Closer You Get", now called "The Pussy I Get"!

Alabama:  
>The pussy I get, the harder you fall.<br>I'll be over the edge now in no time at all.  
>I'm fucking faster and faster and faster with no time to stall.<br>The pussy I get, the further you fall.

Randy Owen (Owen):  
>Could I be dreamin'?<br>Is this really real?  
>'Cause there's lot of boobies<br>The way that I feel those big boobs tonight.

Alabama:  
>The pussy I get, (Oh yeah) the harder you fall.<br>I'll be over the edge now in no time at all.  
>I'm fucking faster and faster and faster with no time to stall.<br>The pussy I get,(mm) the harder you fall.

Chris McLean: "Love In The First Degree" now changed to "Loving Your Sweet Pussy!"

(In this song, all of the members of Alabama are now wearing S&M outfits. Me...I am disturbed...)

Randy Owen (Owen):  
>I once thought of love as a prison<br>A place I didn't want to be  
>So long ago I made a decision<br>To eat viagra and fancy free  
>But you came and I was so tempted<br>To gamble on love just one time  
>I never thought I would get fucked<br>I cheated like a perfect crime

Baby, you left me defenseless  
>I've only got one plea<br>Fuck you away  
>Inside of your love and throw away the key<br>I'm guilty  
>Of loving your sweet pussy.<p>

Chris McLean: And "Down Home", now changed to..."Get Hard".

Randy Owen (Owen):  
>Just off of the beaten path<br>A little dot on a state road map  
>That's where I was born and where I'll die<br>Things move at a fucking pace  
>Nobody's in the cat house<br>And these whores... that's a special way of life

Alabama:  
>Get Hard, where you fuck 'em by name<br>And treat you like a pimp  
>Get Hard, a pimp's good dick and hand job<br>Are all they need  
>Chicks know if they're fucking on hard rods<br>They can just get laid  
>Those of us laid up get hard<p>

Chris McLean: If you call 1800-ALE-SHIT...you can have it for just $39.99! But since this is Justin's show...you can also call 1800-FUCK-YOU to get it for just $5.99! Call right now, because this will last only 1 minute! So call now!

Randy Owen (Owen): Thank you, Wisconsin!

Teddy Gentry (Trent): Randy, no one's here.

Randy Owen (Owen): What the fuck? Why the hell not!

Mark Herndon (Harold): It was just for the commercial. We didn't tell you, right? Idiot!

Randy Owen (Owen): You mean, all of this was for nothing? Just performing at a shit-house place, where there's nobody but cockroaches?

Jeff Cook (Chris McLean): Sorry, dude. We'd get Madison Square Garden, but that jackass Toby Keith beat us to it, that rat bastard.

Randy Owen (Owen): Toby Keith...(shouting) WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THAT FUCKING BLOWHARD! SURE, HE CAN LEARN HOW TO SELL OUT STADIUMS AND ALBUMS! ME, I SELL OUT TO DAMN CRACK HOUSES AND FAT DIABETICS WITH CHLAMYDIA! WHY NOT ALABAMA, HUH? SURE, YOU CAN TRY TO CONTACT GARTH BROOKS, TRISHA YEARWOOD, OR THAT DAMN ZAC HAPPY-GO-FUCK BROWN BAND TO DO THIS SHIT! BUT NOOOOOOOOOO...THEY HAD TO GO TO US! THEY'RE NOTHING BUT FUCKING MOTHER FUCKERS WITH THOSE FUCKING SHIT-TAKERS! I QUIT! BECAUSE THIS WHOLE COMMERCIAL IS A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!

Teddy Gentry (Trent): But Randy-

Randy Owen (Owen): AHH, FUCK YOUR MOTHER!

(Randy Owen leaves.)

Mark Herndon (Harold): What's got sand in his vagina...

Teddy Gentry (Trent): Fucked if I know...who's up for ice cream?

Mark Herndon (Harold): Me! I love gears and grease flavored!

Jeff Cook (Chris McLean): I want broccoli on mine!

Teddy Gentry (Trent): MMMMMMMmmmmmm...feels so right...

(They leave as the skit ends.)

* * *

><p>Toby Keith: Hi, I'm the rat bastard himself, Toby Keith saying "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular" will be right back. Don't you dare miss it! America, FUCK YEAH!<p>

**Justin: Justin here once again. A little bit of a notice: The last chapter will be the finale. And what way to close out the show...than a little sneak preview of what we have up on our sleeve for the rest of you "Justin Show" fans, next! You don't wanna miss this!**


	22. Sneak Peek & Finale

**The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular  
><strong>

**Rated M for Language, Crude Humor, and Sexuality**

**Disclaimer: The sneak peek is here! Plus, I do not own.**

* * *

><p>Chris McLean: Coming soon to all of you fans on "The Justin Show". T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, no creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Get ready for the holidays unlike you've never seen before, he's bringing the big guns to pay-per-view, so get ready for more. Justin and his friends are back ready to lay the smackdown, so get ready all of you skit shows, he's coming back to take back his crown. So before you go to bed, eat your deer meat and sprout, because he knows when you better watch in...<p>

(Justin bursts through the wall of the TV. He is holding a chainsaw.)

Justin: You better watch out!

(Justin rips apart the television with his chainsaw in half.)

Chris McLean: "A Justin Show Christmas". He's definitely coming to your town all right! Coming soon...

* * *

><p>(Justin is seen with his castmates and a whole lot of celebrities as they gather around him, just like on Saturday Night Live.)<p>

Justin: Okay, did everyone of you have a good time?

(Crowd cheers.)

Justin: Okay, I wanna thank Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, The Ultimate Warrior, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, Santino Marella, CM Punk, Charlie Sheen...and if I forgot anyone who I didn't mention. All apologies, you are a wonderful-

(Justin's voice is cutoff when Ezekiel comes on to the stage, streaking.)

Justin: What the hell!

Ezekiel: Look at me, Eh? I'm letting it all out! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Ezekiel wobbles his johnson and nuts on the camera and runs. Eva and LeShawna try to catch him, but to no avail.)

Ezekiel: Hi Mom! You saw my wang? It's bigger than your face! WOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Ezekiel runs off happily and annoying.)

Justin: Uh, that's all the time for today...we'll see you in the Christmas special...Good lord! Anyone who gets him gets million dollars!

Crowd: YEAH!

(Ezekiel is being chased out of the studio, by Justin, Heather and everybody who now has huge butterfly nets.)

**Meanwhile...**

(Alejandro is dragging miles outside from The Justin Show studio. He feels rejected)

Alejandro: Ay caramba...I can't believe I missed it...again. That Justin is gonna pay for having embarassed me in national television. I'll find a way to make him suffer, and after that..Heather will have no choice but to take me back. This I vow. And if it takes-

(Alejandro's voice is cut off as he notices a naked Ezekiel running right past him unexpectedly.)

Alejandro: Did...I just see Ezekiel...butt-naked? I gots to quit eating habanero...

(Alejandro then notices a mob about to run right past them?)

Alejandro: Is that...?

(Alejandro then sees Justin, Heather and everyone with butterfly nets.)

Alejandro: OW! OW! OW! MAMI! AAAH!

(Justin's group of net catchers run over Alejandro. Alejandro is suffering from footmarks all over his body. He is seriously hurt.)

Alejandro: Oi...Why do you do this to me, mio?...Ohh...

(Alejandro is unconscious. The police officer from Spongebob SquarePants writes a ticket, places it on Alejandro's butt and leaves.)

Alejandro: (groaning in pain) Ohhhh...not again...

* * *

><p><strong>I'm not sure if this ending was perfect... but what do I care. It's an excellent way to close out "The Justin Show: Summer Spectacular"! Read and review, everyone! "A Justin Show Christmas" will come soon, I think! Stay tuned!<strong>


End file.
